I think that my thoughts are a little bit all over the place right now.
I found myself sitting on the couch lastnight organizing my CD case according to alphabetical order of artists. What in the hell?
I think that I am happy to be done with the first part of this semester but at the same time I find myself lost when I have no school work. I am used to keeping busy and when I am not, I find something to do. I think one of the more perfect excuses and examples was my inital thought of when I get home I am going to do nothing but sit on the couch and enjoy not having anything to do. Then as I got into the drive way my mind started racing as to what needed to get done.
Make dinner and feed the kids...
Clean up the kitchen...
Oh while I'm doing that I will clean all the counters....
Oh while I'm doing that I will clean the stove...
Oh while I'm doing that I will clean out the cabinet to make room for the kids' new lunch boxes...
Oh I might as well sweep and mop the floor (the mop part I didn't get to)...
I guess I will vacuum the living room...
I think I might dust the other living room while I am at it...
I might as well clean the guest bathroom since I'm down here....
Oh yeah and Anthony still needs help on his homework!
Well since Anthony refused to to the above mentioned item or atleast have me help him he was sent to bed an hour early. To his disaproval and I then could not finish the cleaning that I had embarked on. Instead I went to my car and got all my CD's. The Cisco was wondering what I was doing and just gave a thumbs up when I told him.
I cry about being in school and how much work I always have when I am there but now that I am out I am straining to find things to do to keep myself busy.
Oh and since I am here and I know that I should be doing it....work doesn't seem like a fun option at this point.
I am thinking too much about going out tonight with the Cisco and what might be planned. He hasn't told me anything with the exception of telling me that we are going out for dinner and then leaked the fact that we are staying the night somewhere. I don't know where though. I have some strange feeling that something else is in the works but I am not sure as to what it might be.
I don't think he has ever been able to really keep anything from me in the way of a surprise, so now it is my turn to be surprised about the whole thing. I am excited and I cannot really think about anything else but that.
Anthony is a little upset with me cause we had previously planned a date to go to the movies, it's becoming a tradition for us to spend Friday nights together doing something fun, and I had to break the date. I think that I will make it up to him on Saturday or something. I think that he would like that.
Well I better go and get some work done so that I can show that I did something today.
M
Friday, June 30, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
6 Years and Counting....
So it has been 6 years today.
Six years since the phone number switches....
Six years since the first embrace....
Six years since the first love making session....
Six years since the first conversations of value....
Six years since becoming a couple....
Six years since the first kiss.....
Six years since the tremendous feelings of anxiety....
Six years since the feeling of being....
Six years since the first kind words...
Six years since the first look of desire....
Six years since the first meeting of a very special child....
Six years since the feelings of "I hope it turns out the way I think it will"...
It's been six years today and all I can think about is how fast those years have gone by. It only feels like yesterday when I met Olivia for the first time and she came to me so easily and sat on my lap. I look back on it now and it is amazing to me of how much our kids have grown, together and towards eachother and us. They have different parents in many respects but they have been living with the ones who affect them everyday. I think that it is a very special thing and I am happy to be a part of it all. I can't wait until I can write another blog in another six years and look back then. It is exciting and nerve wrecking to think of what the future may hold, but as usual I have nothing but deep hope and good thoughts about it all.
I know that I have serious doubts about the relationship at times and still do, but I think that they will be worked out with time. I hope that the time isn't too long but hopefully that will be the case. I look forward to the future and what surprises that it may hold. I know that it will also bring dissapointments and sadness at times but such is life. It would be boring without some of the ups and downs.
I love my hunny and I love my hunny's.
~M
Six years since the phone number switches....
Six years since the first embrace....
Six years since the first love making session....
Six years since the first conversations of value....
Six years since becoming a couple....
Six years since the first kiss.....
Six years since the tremendous feelings of anxiety....
Six years since the feeling of being....
Six years since the first kind words...
Six years since the first look of desire....
Six years since the first meeting of a very special child....
Six years since the feelings of "I hope it turns out the way I think it will"...
It's been six years today and all I can think about is how fast those years have gone by. It only feels like yesterday when I met Olivia for the first time and she came to me so easily and sat on my lap. I look back on it now and it is amazing to me of how much our kids have grown, together and towards eachother and us. They have different parents in many respects but they have been living with the ones who affect them everyday. I think that it is a very special thing and I am happy to be a part of it all. I can't wait until I can write another blog in another six years and look back then. It is exciting and nerve wrecking to think of what the future may hold, but as usual I have nothing but deep hope and good thoughts about it all.
I know that I have serious doubts about the relationship at times and still do, but I think that they will be worked out with time. I hope that the time isn't too long but hopefully that will be the case. I look forward to the future and what surprises that it may hold. I know that it will also bring dissapointments and sadness at times but such is life. It would be boring without some of the ups and downs.
I love my hunny and I love my hunny's.
~M
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Insomnia
I don't know what my problem is but for the last couple of weeks I have been unable to go to sleep at night. Usually the television needs to be on and while hugging two pillows I drift off into a comforatable sleep. However, this has not been happening lately. I either go onto My Space and write in my blog, cause people actually read them on there, or I go and play Literati on Yahoo.
It's driving me nuts, especially with school and work, I wake up totally exhausted and drained. I don't know what to do about it any more. I thought about taking some sleeping pills but I know that isn't a good idea.
School. That is the only explination for it all. I think since I go four days a week and for three and a half hours each day all of the stuff that I learn is just revolving around in my head. I guess it is good, but then I start to think about it all too much and can't sleep. I don't know. I think it will go away soon, but I doubt it. With another 4 week intensive class coming up it will continue for a while.
I am going on a much needed camping trip this weekend. I've needed to get away from work for a while and just focus on me and especially my relationship with the Cisco. I think things have seemed a little rocky for him for the last couple of weeks. My biggest suspision is that he has been reading my blog. I don't know where else he would get the idea. I have been seeing a lot of friends that I went to high school with lately, but just for a casual lunch here and there nothing serious. Just catching up on how life has been. I think that is what has him convinced at times that I am getting ready to leave. One friend that I told our recent conversation to was glad. She seems to think this is the kind of wake up call that he needs to see how much I am and mean to him.
I guess. I still think that it is hard for anyone to give any kind of suggestions for this relationship. It is quite unique in it's own sick and twisted ways. As always I know things will work out for better or for worse. I think it makes me kind of happy to see that he is showing some emotion about it all. I don't think I have ever seen him too concerned about our relationship. Usually it has always been me asking, "Are you alright", "Is everything ok?" but now it is him and with the way my life has been going lately with school and work it seems that I get quite aggrivated at the fact of him feeling unsure, especially when he knows how I feel about things.
I am glad that we did talk the other day, I think it has helped things. But I only think that it will help things if he doesn't forget about the conversation and takes into serious consiteration what I said to him. If he chooses not to then he is leaving our future together in his own hands. I have found that I don't want to break down and cry anymore when I think of us splitting up. I get more angry about it. Due to the fact that I put him mainly to blame if it were to happen. I think his views on some issues and the way he has treated me in the past has poisoned some aspects of our relationship. I endured a great deal during the first few years of our relationship that I can guarantee no other woman has.
I have been understanding and patient with this man and sometimes I feel as if he has never noticed any of it. I have put many things in my own life on hold or pushed them aside so that I may nurture our own relationship and put effort into our relationship. I do not feel that he has done any of that with the exception of the past maybe two or three years.
I am glad that he is starting to feel different about things and is seeing me in a different light. I hope that it continues and he keeps growing in that regard, but I try not to get my hopes up too high just in case he decides to ignore his feelings again.
I love him to death, but in some ways enough is enough. A great deal of the issues from before are starting to surface again and I am re-evaluating them, trying to be ok with the non-marrage issue. I did tell him that would only work if other things changed. I hope he took seriously what I said. I think he did, atleast it sounded as though he did.
Well I think I went on yapping for long enough, I'm still not tired so that means it's Literati time.
~M
It's driving me nuts, especially with school and work, I wake up totally exhausted and drained. I don't know what to do about it any more. I thought about taking some sleeping pills but I know that isn't a good idea.
School. That is the only explination for it all. I think since I go four days a week and for three and a half hours each day all of the stuff that I learn is just revolving around in my head. I guess it is good, but then I start to think about it all too much and can't sleep. I don't know. I think it will go away soon, but I doubt it. With another 4 week intensive class coming up it will continue for a while.
I am going on a much needed camping trip this weekend. I've needed to get away from work for a while and just focus on me and especially my relationship with the Cisco. I think things have seemed a little rocky for him for the last couple of weeks. My biggest suspision is that he has been reading my blog. I don't know where else he would get the idea. I have been seeing a lot of friends that I went to high school with lately, but just for a casual lunch here and there nothing serious. Just catching up on how life has been. I think that is what has him convinced at times that I am getting ready to leave. One friend that I told our recent conversation to was glad. She seems to think this is the kind of wake up call that he needs to see how much I am and mean to him.
I guess. I still think that it is hard for anyone to give any kind of suggestions for this relationship. It is quite unique in it's own sick and twisted ways. As always I know things will work out for better or for worse. I think it makes me kind of happy to see that he is showing some emotion about it all. I don't think I have ever seen him too concerned about our relationship. Usually it has always been me asking, "Are you alright", "Is everything ok?" but now it is him and with the way my life has been going lately with school and work it seems that I get quite aggrivated at the fact of him feeling unsure, especially when he knows how I feel about things.
I am glad that we did talk the other day, I think it has helped things. But I only think that it will help things if he doesn't forget about the conversation and takes into serious consiteration what I said to him. If he chooses not to then he is leaving our future together in his own hands. I have found that I don't want to break down and cry anymore when I think of us splitting up. I get more angry about it. Due to the fact that I put him mainly to blame if it were to happen. I think his views on some issues and the way he has treated me in the past has poisoned some aspects of our relationship. I endured a great deal during the first few years of our relationship that I can guarantee no other woman has.
I have been understanding and patient with this man and sometimes I feel as if he has never noticed any of it. I have put many things in my own life on hold or pushed them aside so that I may nurture our own relationship and put effort into our relationship. I do not feel that he has done any of that with the exception of the past maybe two or three years.
I am glad that he is starting to feel different about things and is seeing me in a different light. I hope that it continues and he keeps growing in that regard, but I try not to get my hopes up too high just in case he decides to ignore his feelings again.
I love him to death, but in some ways enough is enough. A great deal of the issues from before are starting to surface again and I am re-evaluating them, trying to be ok with the non-marrage issue. I did tell him that would only work if other things changed. I hope he took seriously what I said. I think he did, atleast it sounded as though he did.
Well I think I went on yapping for long enough, I'm still not tired so that means it's Literati time.
~M
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
For My One And Only...
Anthony,
In this insomnia state that I am in now I think of the things that make me smile about you but also make me sad to the fact that you are indeed growing up and it will only be a few more years that you will be only mine.
I think what made me think of the whole topic at all was that I couldn't sleep and the fact that I have been apart from you quite a bit lately with school and work. It kills me to think of the time that I am not spending with you so that I may go to school, but then I think of all the opportunities that we will have as a family later on down the road. I think it will be a great success when I finish with I what I have started and both you and I can be proud. I wish that I could cut time out of work or not work at all so that I may let you have and do all the things that your heart wishes. I think that I accomplish a great deal of it even if it is only on weekends.
I laughed in bed a minute ago and woke Cisco up because I was thinking of you with that TOOTH and you holding Hubble and pretending he can fly. Then I was wondering how much longer you would have such an imagination and a heart for the impossible. I don't think more than 3 and if I am lucky 4 years. I can quite honestly say that I did not think that you would grow up to be the young man that you are so quickly. I fondly think of the times when you were a baby and all I got to do for a whole day was hold you and feed you and make you laugh. I miss those days but I am also thankful for the days that I have now. You can do things for yourself and talk to me and let me know how you feel and how things make you feel. I get learn who you are as your own individual and not one that I have molded completely. I know that I have had something to do with it but some of it is left up to you to decide.
You choose who your friends are and who you are as a person in the long run. I just hope sometimes that I taught you right from wrong and good from evil. I hope that you will learn from my mistakes and take heed to the warnings that I have given you.
I love the way you laugh and the way that you talk right now. I know a lot of it comes from school, friends and maybe even TV or movies, but it is still cute all the same and I think it is because of the innocence that is related to it all. I love your new phrase, "Mommy, you just had to wake me from my beauty sleep didn't you?" And the look that goes with it. Like I committed some horrible insult to you. A "How dare you" kind of look. I think it is so adorable right now.
I know the years are fast approaching where waking you up for school will be nothing but a true nightmare. I remember the days when my mom tried to wake me up and now all I have to say is,"Sorry mom".
You hold me tightly and won't let go, you kiss me sweet little Anthony kisses, you tell me you love me more than the world and you tell me never to go away. I love you for all that and even now it makes me want to cry. Because I know the mean words will come from your teenage lips and all I will think of is the innocence that is deep down inside. The days of I love you's and a million kisses. The pictures made from school and the poems that go with them.
I don't want to let go of the Anthony I know. The crossed arms of anger, the schmegal inside. The playful boy that never wants to get ready for school. The one that I have to fight with to finish homework now and again. The little person that I once had inside of me that is now growing up thinking his own thoughts and making his own mark.
I have nothing but sweet wishes for you and dear thoughts of you. I don't ever want you to grow up but I am now faced with the reality of it HAVING to happen regardless of how much I wish for it to go away or for time to freeze where it is. I can't do anything but take a picture of you in my heart and memory and remember the moments that make me cry now, smile now and laugh now so that I can do the same when you are older when you have your kids and you have gone your own path. Hopefully you will remember too when we were just we.
I love you forever, I'll never let go of that small little something that I held long ago.
M
In this insomnia state that I am in now I think of the things that make me smile about you but also make me sad to the fact that you are indeed growing up and it will only be a few more years that you will be only mine.
I think what made me think of the whole topic at all was that I couldn't sleep and the fact that I have been apart from you quite a bit lately with school and work. It kills me to think of the time that I am not spending with you so that I may go to school, but then I think of all the opportunities that we will have as a family later on down the road. I think it will be a great success when I finish with I what I have started and both you and I can be proud. I wish that I could cut time out of work or not work at all so that I may let you have and do all the things that your heart wishes. I think that I accomplish a great deal of it even if it is only on weekends.
I laughed in bed a minute ago and woke Cisco up because I was thinking of you with that TOOTH and you holding Hubble and pretending he can fly. Then I was wondering how much longer you would have such an imagination and a heart for the impossible. I don't think more than 3 and if I am lucky 4 years. I can quite honestly say that I did not think that you would grow up to be the young man that you are so quickly. I fondly think of the times when you were a baby and all I got to do for a whole day was hold you and feed you and make you laugh. I miss those days but I am also thankful for the days that I have now. You can do things for yourself and talk to me and let me know how you feel and how things make you feel. I get learn who you are as your own individual and not one that I have molded completely. I know that I have had something to do with it but some of it is left up to you to decide.
You choose who your friends are and who you are as a person in the long run. I just hope sometimes that I taught you right from wrong and good from evil. I hope that you will learn from my mistakes and take heed to the warnings that I have given you.
I love the way you laugh and the way that you talk right now. I know a lot of it comes from school, friends and maybe even TV or movies, but it is still cute all the same and I think it is because of the innocence that is related to it all. I love your new phrase, "Mommy, you just had to wake me from my beauty sleep didn't you?" And the look that goes with it. Like I committed some horrible insult to you. A "How dare you" kind of look. I think it is so adorable right now.
I know the years are fast approaching where waking you up for school will be nothing but a true nightmare. I remember the days when my mom tried to wake me up and now all I have to say is,"Sorry mom".
You hold me tightly and won't let go, you kiss me sweet little Anthony kisses, you tell me you love me more than the world and you tell me never to go away. I love you for all that and even now it makes me want to cry. Because I know the mean words will come from your teenage lips and all I will think of is the innocence that is deep down inside. The days of I love you's and a million kisses. The pictures made from school and the poems that go with them.
I don't want to let go of the Anthony I know. The crossed arms of anger, the schmegal inside. The playful boy that never wants to get ready for school. The one that I have to fight with to finish homework now and again. The little person that I once had inside of me that is now growing up thinking his own thoughts and making his own mark.
I have nothing but sweet wishes for you and dear thoughts of you. I don't ever want you to grow up but I am now faced with the reality of it HAVING to happen regardless of how much I wish for it to go away or for time to freeze where it is. I can't do anything but take a picture of you in my heart and memory and remember the moments that make me cry now, smile now and laugh now so that I can do the same when you are older when you have your kids and you have gone your own path. Hopefully you will remember too when we were just we.
I love you forever, I'll never let go of that small little something that I held long ago.
M
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Recap on Life for Now...
So there has been a lot going on since I have written last, however nothing too thrilling either.
Olivia was recently on Fiddler on the Roof with her church and also had her ballet recital. She did so well in both of those I was so proud of her. She also celebrated her 8th birthday! I can't believe it! Both Anthony and her have grown so much so fast. I am getting to think that I don't know what to do with myself.
Cisco and I have been doing well since the last time I have written. I am holding off on leaving for a little while until I figure out what I really want and can set it in stone without putting forth empty threats. That leads to nothing but trouble and I know what I am talking about. He had his birthday too! He is soooo old now.
It has been really hard keeping up on this because I have recently discovered myspace and I have been blogging on there. It seems that no one reads them here and it is nice for some feed back sometimes and that is something that I have not encountered on here as of yet. I know that some people are more popular than others and the world of blogging is no exception. It's ok though my feelings are not hurt too much.
I have been going to school and being extremely busy with that though and I am glad for it. I think summer school will kill me but better now than never. Speaking of school it is time to go.
I will keep in better touch I promise.
M
Olivia was recently on Fiddler on the Roof with her church and also had her ballet recital. She did so well in both of those I was so proud of her. She also celebrated her 8th birthday! I can't believe it! Both Anthony and her have grown so much so fast. I am getting to think that I don't know what to do with myself.
Cisco and I have been doing well since the last time I have written. I am holding off on leaving for a little while until I figure out what I really want and can set it in stone without putting forth empty threats. That leads to nothing but trouble and I know what I am talking about. He had his birthday too! He is soooo old now.
It has been really hard keeping up on this because I have recently discovered myspace and I have been blogging on there. It seems that no one reads them here and it is nice for some feed back sometimes and that is something that I have not encountered on here as of yet. I know that some people are more popular than others and the world of blogging is no exception. It's ok though my feelings are not hurt too much.
I have been going to school and being extremely busy with that though and I am glad for it. I think summer school will kill me but better now than never. Speaking of school it is time to go.
I will keep in better touch I promise.
M
Monday, April 17, 2006
Thinking of Leaving
As I have expressed many times before in other posts thoughout, since I started on this, I love my boyfriend with all my heart.
He says that he loves me and he decides to show me that he does also, but I doubt it a lot of the time due to the issues in the past. These are not issues that are not going to go away, ever. I know that and have known that for a very....very long time. I am ok with that part of it and all that it entails.
Our relationship has been doing good and we haven't had any real problems besides the fight of the century over the laundry. Which has been settled, so far. But I think the issue that has been bothering me the most is the marriage part of it all.
Either last week or the week before he was giving me a hug in the kitchen and he said that he loved me and I believe I told him that he should marry me then. He replied, "you don't want to marry me, you just want to get married." Well that was like a huge butcher knife into my heart. I couldn't believe that he had said that to me. I told him that wasn't true and that I wanted to marry him and be with him. He started to say the same thing again and I told him that I am beautiful and I could marry anyone that I wanted and be with anyone that I wanted but I chose to be with him and love him.
I think the thing that is the worst part of it is his daughter being in the car with me and telling me that she misses her mom and telling me how much she loves her and how much she loves me. Then she will continue with wanting me to marry her dad so that she will have a 2nd mom so that she will have twice the love. I don't know what to say sometimes and I always have to choke back tears when she is telling me this. My son says he wants us to get married also. I get so bitter about the whole thing sometimes that I don't know how to react to my boyfriend when he comes home. I am just in a bad mood and don't want to talk to him.
Lately whenever one of the kids says that they want us to get married and we are both in the room I look at both kids and then to my boyfriend and say, "He doesn't want to marry me." and they get mad at him. I feel ok about that for a moment or two, but then all of my feelings come back and I feel depressed about the whole thing once again.
I have been thinking about leaving him and letting this be it but I can't bring myself to do it, not yet anyway. I think the hardest part for me is the kids. We have been together so long that it's too hard thinking about them not being together anymore. They whine for eachother when they go on separate vacations I could just imagine how they would act if we were separated perminately.
It just rips me in half when I hear those kids say things like, "I wish you two would get married so that we could be a real family." or "I want us all to be together forever." I don't know how much longer I can listen to that and just smile and say that's just how things are for right now. I can see in their eyes that expination is getting old and is not flying over too well anymore.
I will leave with the words of Olivia and Anthony......
"I want us to be a family."
M
He says that he loves me and he decides to show me that he does also, but I doubt it a lot of the time due to the issues in the past. These are not issues that are not going to go away, ever. I know that and have known that for a very....very long time. I am ok with that part of it and all that it entails.
Our relationship has been doing good and we haven't had any real problems besides the fight of the century over the laundry. Which has been settled, so far. But I think the issue that has been bothering me the most is the marriage part of it all.
Either last week or the week before he was giving me a hug in the kitchen and he said that he loved me and I believe I told him that he should marry me then. He replied, "you don't want to marry me, you just want to get married." Well that was like a huge butcher knife into my heart. I couldn't believe that he had said that to me. I told him that wasn't true and that I wanted to marry him and be with him. He started to say the same thing again and I told him that I am beautiful and I could marry anyone that I wanted and be with anyone that I wanted but I chose to be with him and love him.
I think the thing that is the worst part of it is his daughter being in the car with me and telling me that she misses her mom and telling me how much she loves her and how much she loves me. Then she will continue with wanting me to marry her dad so that she will have a 2nd mom so that she will have twice the love. I don't know what to say sometimes and I always have to choke back tears when she is telling me this. My son says he wants us to get married also. I get so bitter about the whole thing sometimes that I don't know how to react to my boyfriend when he comes home. I am just in a bad mood and don't want to talk to him.
Lately whenever one of the kids says that they want us to get married and we are both in the room I look at both kids and then to my boyfriend and say, "He doesn't want to marry me." and they get mad at him. I feel ok about that for a moment or two, but then all of my feelings come back and I feel depressed about the whole thing once again.
I have been thinking about leaving him and letting this be it but I can't bring myself to do it, not yet anyway. I think the hardest part for me is the kids. We have been together so long that it's too hard thinking about them not being together anymore. They whine for eachother when they go on separate vacations I could just imagine how they would act if we were separated perminately.
It just rips me in half when I hear those kids say things like, "I wish you two would get married so that we could be a real family." or "I want us all to be together forever." I don't know how much longer I can listen to that and just smile and say that's just how things are for right now. I can see in their eyes that expination is getting old and is not flying over too well anymore.
I will leave with the words of Olivia and Anthony......
"I want us to be a family."
M
Thursday, April 06, 2006
In My Life
The way that I feel for my Desmond,
In My Life
There are places I remember, all my life though some have changed.
Some forever, not for better, some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, in my life I've loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares to you.
And these memories loose their meaning when I think if love as something new.
Though I know I'll never loose affection for people and things that went before.
I know I'll often stop and think about them, In my life I love you more.
Though I know I'll never loose affection for people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them, in my life I love you more.
The Beatles
I love you always no matter what the deal is...
Love Always,
Molly
In My Life
There are places I remember, all my life though some have changed.
Some forever, not for better, some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, in my life I've loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares to you.
And these memories loose their meaning when I think if love as something new.
Though I know I'll never loose affection for people and things that went before.
I know I'll often stop and think about them, In my life I love you more.
Though I know I'll never loose affection for people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them, in my life I love you more.
The Beatles
I love you always no matter what the deal is...
Love Always,
Molly
Friday, March 17, 2006
My Ramblings
I thought that I was smart. Atleast a little bit, with computers.
That is until a friend of mine introduced me to MySpace.
I cannot figure out for the life of me how to design the damn thing. I have asked for help but everyone keeps pushing me to other web sites and other people. If they were able to design their own then why can't they just say how to do it? This has caused a great many hours of frustration on my part.
I didn't think that I would be into it the way that I am right now. I am always trying to fix something on it or add some new pictures.
I have already scolded my friend for even introducing me to the stupid thing.
I have seen some of my friends on this thing and they have like 217 friends or atleast close to that. They are always these beautiful people also. They don't look like regular people. I guess it is true that you won't get many friends unless you dress like a whore or show yourself half naked.
I don't understand that part of it. Do these people even talk to these so called "friends"?
I hope so because then that would justify the whole thing a little more.
I hope that I get over my MySpace addiction pretty soon. If anyone knows any cures please let me know.
M
That is until a friend of mine introduced me to MySpace.
I cannot figure out for the life of me how to design the damn thing. I have asked for help but everyone keeps pushing me to other web sites and other people. If they were able to design their own then why can't they just say how to do it? This has caused a great many hours of frustration on my part.
I didn't think that I would be into it the way that I am right now. I am always trying to fix something on it or add some new pictures.
I have already scolded my friend for even introducing me to the stupid thing.
I have seen some of my friends on this thing and they have like 217 friends or atleast close to that. They are always these beautiful people also. They don't look like regular people. I guess it is true that you won't get many friends unless you dress like a whore or show yourself half naked.
I don't understand that part of it. Do these people even talk to these so called "friends"?
I hope so because then that would justify the whole thing a little more.
I hope that I get over my MySpace addiction pretty soon. If anyone knows any cures please let me know.
M
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Snow? In March? In Vegas???
Yes, you read correctly and for anyone who lives in Las Vegas can tell you this doesn't happen very often but lately more and more.
Yesterday it snowed but it didn't stick. News reporters around here are now giving false hope to the fact that they THINK it might snow again today... so far no luck. I bet I am not the only one standing at the window waiting for something to happen. Going to the window is the closest I will come to going outside today. It's 35 - 40 degrees outside.
I'm just happy that for a day like this I don't have to work. I can sit at home have some tea, watch T.V. and enjoy the day. I don't think I will participate in it unless it does snow then I will have to get my son outside to play in it.
The last time it snowed really good was 2 years ago. Anyone remember that?
I do I had to drive to work at 5 am in it. That was horrible. My boyfriend and kids got to go home and play in it. It was about 1 or 2 ft. deep up in the Summerlin area. Everyone went to the park. It is the kid of park with steep hills, it's a resevoir when it rains, so everyone was sliding down the hills and playing. Making snow men and such. By the time I got home there was still snow on the ground but not that much. More brown snow than anything.
Well if it does happen to snow today I hope everyone will be able to enjoy it.
M
Monday, March 06, 2006
It's Official...I'm Loosing My Mind
School, work, kids, house chores, boyfriend = little help.
This is how I have been feeling for the last couple of weeks. I just got finished taking a bath for about 1 1/2 hours, atleast that is what it felt like. I need some much needed alone time. I love my kids and I love my boyfriend but I have just felt so overwhelmed these past weeks. I don't know why. Nothing big has changed, it just seems like it.
I have been taking the kids to school more and more and between me getting ready and trying to get them ready without them fighting I feel like I am going to loose my mind sometimes.
I usually listen to the radio loud on the way to work but lately I have been having it off. I think because this is the only time that I have for it to be completely quiet.
I get to work and I am alone all day long but then I have to deal with me talking to me! The phone and the fax don't help either. Halfway through my day with work I have to go and pick up the kids from school, bring them back to work with me and try and finish what I have going on there and help with homework. I swear I should be in a circus with the way that I am able to juggle. Then when the grandparents come home I get to go to school. If I'm lucky it is sometimes a 1 hour class and not one of my 3 hour classes.
When I'm done with that, depending on what day it is, I get to go pick up the kids, feed them, finish homework with them, get them in the shower, put them to bed, then go downstairs and do my homework. Let's not forget cleaning up the house and doing the laundry in between.
I swear I feel like these kids don't even like me anymore! I am the one that has to give out the punishments and tell them what to do so when my boyfriend gets home from work that night, in my opinion, he gets the easy part of it. Everyone is happy to see him and want to hang out with him and look at me like my head has spun around 360 degrees. He gets to help put them to bed and then chill out downstairs and have a beer, if there are any around. I'm not saying that he is lazy, he just has a convenient work schedule.
It drives me nuts when he has the kids for one day on his day off and looks at me all pissed off and complains about them fighting. Or how one of them won't do this or did do that. I don't think he completely realizes what I have to do 6 days a week.
I hope that some alone time in California will help ease the tension that I have been having and bring me back to my old self. I hate feeling this way.... M
This is how I have been feeling for the last couple of weeks. I just got finished taking a bath for about 1 1/2 hours, atleast that is what it felt like. I need some much needed alone time. I love my kids and I love my boyfriend but I have just felt so overwhelmed these past weeks. I don't know why. Nothing big has changed, it just seems like it.
I have been taking the kids to school more and more and between me getting ready and trying to get them ready without them fighting I feel like I am going to loose my mind sometimes.
I usually listen to the radio loud on the way to work but lately I have been having it off. I think because this is the only time that I have for it to be completely quiet.
I get to work and I am alone all day long but then I have to deal with me talking to me! The phone and the fax don't help either. Halfway through my day with work I have to go and pick up the kids from school, bring them back to work with me and try and finish what I have going on there and help with homework. I swear I should be in a circus with the way that I am able to juggle. Then when the grandparents come home I get to go to school. If I'm lucky it is sometimes a 1 hour class and not one of my 3 hour classes.
When I'm done with that, depending on what day it is, I get to go pick up the kids, feed them, finish homework with them, get them in the shower, put them to bed, then go downstairs and do my homework. Let's not forget cleaning up the house and doing the laundry in between.
I swear I feel like these kids don't even like me anymore! I am the one that has to give out the punishments and tell them what to do so when my boyfriend gets home from work that night, in my opinion, he gets the easy part of it. Everyone is happy to see him and want to hang out with him and look at me like my head has spun around 360 degrees. He gets to help put them to bed and then chill out downstairs and have a beer, if there are any around. I'm not saying that he is lazy, he just has a convenient work schedule.
It drives me nuts when he has the kids for one day on his day off and looks at me all pissed off and complains about them fighting. Or how one of them won't do this or did do that. I don't think he completely realizes what I have to do 6 days a week.
I hope that some alone time in California will help ease the tension that I have been having and bring me back to my old self. I hate feeling this way.... M
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Who? What? Me? Oh, yeah here I am
I have returned. It has been a while, but as I said in my last post it was my first week of school and I haven't had much time to gather my thoughts let alone time to write them down. I have done good in school so far and I am excited about things just getting better with it as I go on.
There have been some challenges but there have also been some great times that have been had in the last couple of weeks. As everyone knows Valentines Day has just passed and as a treat to eachother we decided to go to Disneyland. It was a blast I had so much fun. It had been a while since we have gone anywhere alone without the kids and for a whole weekend to boot. I had so much fun. What is really great is that no matter what we have going on in our lives we always find time to set aside to go somewhere alone for Valentines Day.
I guess it is like our own little tradition.
The first Valentines Day that we were together I surprised him and we went to this great little place in Death Valley. I know what you are thinking, but it was great. We went to this bar that was there and ordered pitchers of beer and played pool. It seemed like we were out all night but we weren't.
Last year we went to New York. I surprised him with the present on Christmas, I bought tickets to go and see the Phantom of the Opera at the Majestic Theater. That was one of the best trips that I have ever been on in my life. We walked all of Manhattan I think. My shoes were ruined when I got home because of all the walking we did. I didn't want to come home. I had decided there that I would be able to live there for the rest of my little life. But before I knew it, it was time to go home.
Lately I have been thinking about how much Valentines Day is a Hallmark Holiday and it bothers me so. For the longest time I have been getting my boyfriend flowers, cards or even presents and he will ask me why or what occasion it is. I always tell him it is "just because". For a while he didn't like that answer. I don't know why it bothered him, but I didn't care because I still did it for him.
I don't know if he has read any of these yet but in case he is. I love you, and I am so happy that we have such a blast on all of these trips that we take. Even when we take the kids and we are driven mad we still manage to have fun when we get there.
I love you Desmond.
Love always Molly.
There have been some challenges but there have also been some great times that have been had in the last couple of weeks. As everyone knows Valentines Day has just passed and as a treat to eachother we decided to go to Disneyland. It was a blast I had so much fun. It had been a while since we have gone anywhere alone without the kids and for a whole weekend to boot. I had so much fun. What is really great is that no matter what we have going on in our lives we always find time to set aside to go somewhere alone for Valentines Day.
I guess it is like our own little tradition.
The first Valentines Day that we were together I surprised him and we went to this great little place in Death Valley. I know what you are thinking, but it was great. We went to this bar that was there and ordered pitchers of beer and played pool. It seemed like we were out all night but we weren't.
Last year we went to New York. I surprised him with the present on Christmas, I bought tickets to go and see the Phantom of the Opera at the Majestic Theater. That was one of the best trips that I have ever been on in my life. We walked all of Manhattan I think. My shoes were ruined when I got home because of all the walking we did. I didn't want to come home. I had decided there that I would be able to live there for the rest of my little life. But before I knew it, it was time to go home.
Lately I have been thinking about how much Valentines Day is a Hallmark Holiday and it bothers me so. For the longest time I have been getting my boyfriend flowers, cards or even presents and he will ask me why or what occasion it is. I always tell him it is "just because". For a while he didn't like that answer. I don't know why it bothered him, but I didn't care because I still did it for him.
I don't know if he has read any of these yet but in case he is. I love you, and I am so happy that we have such a blast on all of these trips that we take. Even when we take the kids and we are driven mad we still manage to have fun when we get there.
I love you Desmond.
Love always Molly.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
First Week
It has been a while since I last posted but the computer of choice is not compatible with this site for some reason. I started the spring semester this past Monday and am happy that I did so in spite of all of the homework that I have encountered. I know that there is going to only be more and more, but in a way I look forward to it. It will keep me busy and out of trouble.... I hope.
I hear so many horror stories from friends and aquaintences about the professors that they had and to STAY AWAY from them and their hateful practices. I can knock on wood that so far in my college career I have not come across any such caracters. I have enjoyed my teachers so far. Even if I had one that was out for blood I think that I would merge with the shadows and keep out of the way of hateful comments and bad grades.
I wonder (but hope not) if I will ever be in the presence of such an individual. I hope that I won't but I think that it is inevitable. I will be in school for atleast another two or three years and I'm sure the scenerio will appear. For those that have encountered such a thing over and over again with rescue or resolve my appologies. I think that there are just some people (professors and teachers) that expect so much out of their students that it makes it hard for the student to measure up. Not that they don't want to but becuase it is impossible. These teachers / professors seem to think that everyone (students) should be able to achieve the same grades and habits as they once did. That is so far from the way things are.
Eventhough I have only completed the first week I have high hopes and great expectations for myself and my classes. I hope that I am not let down. M
I hear so many horror stories from friends and aquaintences about the professors that they had and to STAY AWAY from them and their hateful practices. I can knock on wood that so far in my college career I have not come across any such caracters. I have enjoyed my teachers so far. Even if I had one that was out for blood I think that I would merge with the shadows and keep out of the way of hateful comments and bad grades.
I wonder (but hope not) if I will ever be in the presence of such an individual. I hope that I won't but I think that it is inevitable. I will be in school for atleast another two or three years and I'm sure the scenerio will appear. For those that have encountered such a thing over and over again with rescue or resolve my appologies. I think that there are just some people (professors and teachers) that expect so much out of their students that it makes it hard for the student to measure up. Not that they don't want to but becuase it is impossible. These teachers / professors seem to think that everyone (students) should be able to achieve the same grades and habits as they once did. That is so far from the way things are.
Eventhough I have only completed the first week I have high hopes and great expectations for myself and my classes. I hope that I am not let down. M
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Excited
I am so excited about starting up with school again. I haven't gone for one semester and it seems like an eternity. I think in a way it is my escape from reality for a while. Those couple of hours spent alone with my thoughts is always a good thing.
I enjoy being around the other students. I think I like the College that I go to because it is so diverse. It isn't just the stuck up "I know everyone here" crowd.
I haven't met many people like that at my school and I am happy for that I hope that it stays that way.
I did very well the last semester that I went to school. I hope that it is going to be the same way.
I told my boyfriend to cuddle me and kiss me now because when school starts he isn't going to have the chance. I am taking 4 classes and I think that I will be so busy with that, that he will be neglected for a small amount of time.
I think that it will be good for me. I am happy that I look forward to going to school. I would have quit in a heartbeat if I dreaded it.
Wish me luck! M
I enjoy being around the other students. I think I like the College that I go to because it is so diverse. It isn't just the stuck up "I know everyone here" crowd.
I haven't met many people like that at my school and I am happy for that I hope that it stays that way.
I did very well the last semester that I went to school. I hope that it is going to be the same way.
I told my boyfriend to cuddle me and kiss me now because when school starts he isn't going to have the chance. I am taking 4 classes and I think that I will be so busy with that, that he will be neglected for a small amount of time.
I think that it will be good for me. I am happy that I look forward to going to school. I would have quit in a heartbeat if I dreaded it.
Wish me luck! M
Monday, January 09, 2006
I Think I Have Come A Long Way
I am now 26 years old. I definately have come a long way within the past few years. I think the biggest reason is my son. I think that makes you grow up a lot and fast. I cannot say that for everyone. I have friends that are my age or older who have kids and they are still so worried about going out and partying all weekend long.
I think that that left me right after I had my son. I knew what I was getting myself into so I let that part of my youth disapear. I still would go out every now and then, but not too much. I had fun with my son. I tried to do things that included him.
I think the relationship that I am in now made me grow up a great deal also. He is older than me and he has a daughter and I guess to me it is like having 2 kids. We go out and have our fun, but it is different than going out to a club and hanging out. Some of the most fun that we have is when we stay in when the kids are away for the weekend. I love getting dinner, having a drink and watching a movie or a show that I just love. And to watch it with him just makes it better because I have my best friend to laugh and have fun with.
My eyes have opened up to a few things this past year also. My soul has grown and I can "see the light at the end of the tunnel". I think that is good, it is sad to think about how old I am now only because I don't see myself this age. I never thought that I would be this age. I don't know why. I am happy, atleast I am not confused anymore.
Every decision used to be so easy. Now I have to think how it is going to effect myself, my little "family", or others around me that I care about. Like when I had to decide whether to quit my job at a big hotel and go to a small business or to stay. Those decisions used to be so easy. If I wanted to quit a job I would just leave. Now I have to think about how much money I am going to make, and what kind of health insurance I am going to be getting. What a headache sometimes.
It is all worth it though. I don't think I would ever change the decisions I have made. I am proud of the life that I lead and I also lead it with joy. I think that is something that not everyone can say. I am proud to be able to tell people that.
I think that that left me right after I had my son. I knew what I was getting myself into so I let that part of my youth disapear. I still would go out every now and then, but not too much. I had fun with my son. I tried to do things that included him.
I think the relationship that I am in now made me grow up a great deal also. He is older than me and he has a daughter and I guess to me it is like having 2 kids. We go out and have our fun, but it is different than going out to a club and hanging out. Some of the most fun that we have is when we stay in when the kids are away for the weekend. I love getting dinner, having a drink and watching a movie or a show that I just love. And to watch it with him just makes it better because I have my best friend to laugh and have fun with.
My eyes have opened up to a few things this past year also. My soul has grown and I can "see the light at the end of the tunnel". I think that is good, it is sad to think about how old I am now only because I don't see myself this age. I never thought that I would be this age. I don't know why. I am happy, atleast I am not confused anymore.
Every decision used to be so easy. Now I have to think how it is going to effect myself, my little "family", or others around me that I care about. Like when I had to decide whether to quit my job at a big hotel and go to a small business or to stay. Those decisions used to be so easy. If I wanted to quit a job I would just leave. Now I have to think about how much money I am going to make, and what kind of health insurance I am going to be getting. What a headache sometimes.
It is all worth it though. I don't think I would ever change the decisions I have made. I am proud of the life that I lead and I also lead it with joy. I think that is something that not everyone can say. I am proud to be able to tell people that.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
The Last Days
I am entering the last days of work. I have decided to quit, about two and a half weeks ago. I cannot believe the time has come to leave. I have been at the same place for 6 years. It feels funny to be telling people, "Tomorrow is my last day so give me a hug, because I don't know if I will see you." I have not felt the need to cry about it as of yet. Maybe tomorrow, the last day, the tears will flow.
It is the longest job I have ever had. And when you have a job for that long at the same place you build so many relationships with your staff. I have been working with the same group of people for 6 years so you know eachother well.
You know eachothers kids' names, dogs, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends. You hear about all the drama on the different shifts and eventually take sides and then change sides. It is like living one giant soap opera.
I am going from a job with hundreds of different people that I talk to everyday to a job where is is only going to be me in an office alone everyday. I think right now that I am going to love it, but I think I will miss it a great deal.
There are those certain people that have left a mark on me and I think I will miss them the most. My bosses for instance have always been good to me and I will miss joking around and listening to their stories the most. Sharing things in my life with them and theirs with me. Talking with them was always like therapy with me. If I ever had doubts about anything, worries or joys I knew I could talk to them about it.
I have a few of my "girlfriends" that I will miss also. I think when I am sitting at my new desk they will pop into my head. Whenever something happens that I think is funny or when I have come up with a new smart ass remark, I will miss running to tell them about it. I will miss their reactions to things that I tell them, or even to cry together when we find out something good or bad. The sounds of their voices will never leave me and if I ever really and truly miss them, I will just give them a call and give them a hard time. But nothing will ever beat seeing them everyday.
As my boyfriend says it is the end of an era. I have a lot of bad memories, but I have more great memories that will last forever. I have a lot of friends that I want and plan to keep.
I'm on my own now and I have only myself to cheer up when I am feeling down in the dumps but a friendly voice is never too far away.
I love you guys, you know who you are!!!!!!!!!!! M
It is the longest job I have ever had. And when you have a job for that long at the same place you build so many relationships with your staff. I have been working with the same group of people for 6 years so you know eachother well.
You know eachothers kids' names, dogs, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends. You hear about all the drama on the different shifts and eventually take sides and then change sides. It is like living one giant soap opera.
I am going from a job with hundreds of different people that I talk to everyday to a job where is is only going to be me in an office alone everyday. I think right now that I am going to love it, but I think I will miss it a great deal.
There are those certain people that have left a mark on me and I think I will miss them the most. My bosses for instance have always been good to me and I will miss joking around and listening to their stories the most. Sharing things in my life with them and theirs with me. Talking with them was always like therapy with me. If I ever had doubts about anything, worries or joys I knew I could talk to them about it.
I have a few of my "girlfriends" that I will miss also. I think when I am sitting at my new desk they will pop into my head. Whenever something happens that I think is funny or when I have come up with a new smart ass remark, I will miss running to tell them about it. I will miss their reactions to things that I tell them, or even to cry together when we find out something good or bad. The sounds of their voices will never leave me and if I ever really and truly miss them, I will just give them a call and give them a hard time. But nothing will ever beat seeing them everyday.
As my boyfriend says it is the end of an era. I have a lot of bad memories, but I have more great memories that will last forever. I have a lot of friends that I want and plan to keep.
I'm on my own now and I have only myself to cheer up when I am feeling down in the dumps but a friendly voice is never too far away.
I love you guys, you know who you are!!!!!!!!!!! M
Thursday, December 29, 2005
The Madness Is Over! I Think.
Christmas is over. I am so glad especially since I think the meaning has been lost for some. It is a shame that it has turned into a materialistic holiday. I can understand exchanging a couple of gifts, but I have gone to some of the stores this past holiday and seen so many people loading up their carts. They do it as if these items are never going to be found again.
Do people buy into their children's love? I think a great deal of them do. I don't think parents spend enough quality time with their kids anymore. Christmas is no exception. Some parents are so busy going to this Christmas party and that party, of course none of them allow you to bring your child. That means a babysitter. It is a shame.
I loved Christmas as a child, we went to the same Christmas party every year and that was enough for everyone. We played games and hung around the house. My parents spent time with me and my brother. They did not just plop us in front of the television to make us go away for a couple of hours.
Now I admit I do that sometimes, but only when I am trying to get something done, which isn't accomplished very often without them being able to help or by them reading to me while I do it.
I passed by a church the other day driving to work and I saw the perfect note on the board, " The most important part of Christmas is the first six letters". Now I am not a heavy religous person, but that made me think( and since I do believe in Jesus and I don't think that we should stop saying Merry Christmas because it might offend someone ). There are reasons other than presents linked to Christmas.
That note is more relavent to people who are rude in the stores and drive like idiots around Christmas.
It is nice to get things on Christmas, but I don't think we should over do it. That is what I am going to think about before I spend a months paycheck on people who I think I need to buy something for next year.
Do people buy into their children's love? I think a great deal of them do. I don't think parents spend enough quality time with their kids anymore. Christmas is no exception. Some parents are so busy going to this Christmas party and that party, of course none of them allow you to bring your child. That means a babysitter. It is a shame.
I loved Christmas as a child, we went to the same Christmas party every year and that was enough for everyone. We played games and hung around the house. My parents spent time with me and my brother. They did not just plop us in front of the television to make us go away for a couple of hours.
Now I admit I do that sometimes, but only when I am trying to get something done, which isn't accomplished very often without them being able to help or by them reading to me while I do it.
I passed by a church the other day driving to work and I saw the perfect note on the board, " The most important part of Christmas is the first six letters". Now I am not a heavy religous person, but that made me think( and since I do believe in Jesus and I don't think that we should stop saying Merry Christmas because it might offend someone ). There are reasons other than presents linked to Christmas.
That note is more relavent to people who are rude in the stores and drive like idiots around Christmas.
It is nice to get things on Christmas, but I don't think we should over do it. That is what I am going to think about before I spend a months paycheck on people who I think I need to buy something for next year.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Anthony
Anthony is my child, my soul, my one true love.
I never in my life imagined that I would be able to love someone so much, let alone the minute the minute I set eyes on him. I am always so scared that I will not do a good enough job in raising him, but when I see him smile and tell me that he loves me I know differently. He looks up to me and loves me so much.
In the way of Anthony of having a parent I am the only one that he can ever truly depend on.
His father is a flake and always will be one. I do not believe that Anthony will ever gain a real respect for him. It doesn't matter because he doesn't deserve it. Anthony's father has plenty of opportunities to spend time with him but he chooses to go out and party after work instead. I am scared of the questions that I know will arise in a couple of years from now about his father. I will answer truthfully, but for right now I will not say anything. My son is 6 and he will find out in time that his father is a looser. I don't think that I need to say anything to him.
Anthony draws such negative pictures sometimes and it worries me. He will draw pictures of someone killing someone else or even him killing other things. I don't know if this is normal or if it is his way of getting out the anger that he has built up. I don't know where he has this anger from. He has a great life at home and needs for nothing. I wonder sometimes if it is because of his father.
I am hoping with time he will be able to vocalize his feelings, but I guess it is ok even if it is coming out on paper for right now.
Anthony is a great kid and has no real problems and I am thankful everyday for that. I want him to see nothing but good in his life. I know that I cannot shield him from the cruelties of the world, but I think that I will always try. No matter how old he is I know I will always want to protect him. It is just part of being a mother.
We are on our own to take on the world, just the two of us.
I have a boyfriend and his daughter and I love them very much but since there is no ring yet it's not the same. But I love them all.
Things will work out in the end and that is something to look forward to.
I never in my life imagined that I would be able to love someone so much, let alone the minute the minute I set eyes on him. I am always so scared that I will not do a good enough job in raising him, but when I see him smile and tell me that he loves me I know differently. He looks up to me and loves me so much.
In the way of Anthony of having a parent I am the only one that he can ever truly depend on.
His father is a flake and always will be one. I do not believe that Anthony will ever gain a real respect for him. It doesn't matter because he doesn't deserve it. Anthony's father has plenty of opportunities to spend time with him but he chooses to go out and party after work instead. I am scared of the questions that I know will arise in a couple of years from now about his father. I will answer truthfully, but for right now I will not say anything. My son is 6 and he will find out in time that his father is a looser. I don't think that I need to say anything to him.
Anthony draws such negative pictures sometimes and it worries me. He will draw pictures of someone killing someone else or even him killing other things. I don't know if this is normal or if it is his way of getting out the anger that he has built up. I don't know where he has this anger from. He has a great life at home and needs for nothing. I wonder sometimes if it is because of his father.
I am hoping with time he will be able to vocalize his feelings, but I guess it is ok even if it is coming out on paper for right now.
Anthony is a great kid and has no real problems and I am thankful everyday for that. I want him to see nothing but good in his life. I know that I cannot shield him from the cruelties of the world, but I think that I will always try. No matter how old he is I know I will always want to protect him. It is just part of being a mother.
We are on our own to take on the world, just the two of us.
I have a boyfriend and his daughter and I love them very much but since there is no ring yet it's not the same. But I love them all.
Things will work out in the end and that is something to look forward to.
Kid Crazy
It must just be that time of the year but it seems like there are kids everywhere, including my own. I decided to take my vacation this week so that I could get some much needed IN time with my family.
However, now I think I am ready for the kids to go back to school. There is just so much to be done and so little time to do it in. I have always thought that it is much easier to do all of the things that need to be done without the harrassing of a child.
Whenever I am about to do something like going shopping or clean the house I usually make a list and decide that I have a certain amount of time to finish these chores. Now if you have to drag your kids along that schedule gets all messed up.
It usually starts the minute that you get the kids out of the car. There has to be a fight as to who pushes or who gets to stand on the cart. Then don't forget the numerous, "can I have that?".
God forbid if you ask one of them to get something for you, then it turns into a fight about who gets to help next, and regardless of how much you try to make them take turns it always turns into you "liking her better than me".
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I have a ton of fun with them, but when it comes to this time of year and I have so much to do. I think I would rather do it alone without the help of the little fingers.
However, now I think I am ready for the kids to go back to school. There is just so much to be done and so little time to do it in. I have always thought that it is much easier to do all of the things that need to be done without the harrassing of a child.
Whenever I am about to do something like going shopping or clean the house I usually make a list and decide that I have a certain amount of time to finish these chores. Now if you have to drag your kids along that schedule gets all messed up.
It usually starts the minute that you get the kids out of the car. There has to be a fight as to who pushes or who gets to stand on the cart. Then don't forget the numerous, "can I have that?".
God forbid if you ask one of them to get something for you, then it turns into a fight about who gets to help next, and regardless of how much you try to make them take turns it always turns into you "liking her better than me".
Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I have a ton of fun with them, but when it comes to this time of year and I have so much to do. I think I would rather do it alone without the help of the little fingers.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Hung up on marrage
Why are women so hung up on getting married. I have been trying to figure this one out myself for the longest time. I want to know why I want to get married so much. I don't know maybe it is the thought of having the greatest party you will ever throw. Maybe it is the thought of how you would look in that glamourous dress. Maybe it is the thought of how you would feel by seeing the man that you love with every inch of your being standing at the other end of the path.
I wish I could be like the women that you hear about that are just fine with not being married and they have a wonderful relationship with their long time boyfriend. I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend also and there are no real problems. That is until I start to feel depressed, and start thinking about how I am going to be single for the rest of my life. Then I decide at that very moment that I am going to say something and most of the time it is out of anger and I regret it the moment that it comes out of my mouth.
I have gotten better at not mentioning anything like that to him. Maybe that is why this is a good idea. Atleast I can get it out of me and I don't have to worry about us breaking up again because I don't know when to shut up and enjoy a good thing. He always asks me why we have to get married and that he likes things the way that they are.
I think I am just starting to realize how old I am and sometimes I don't think that I have done much or atleast after being with someone for as long as I have (5 years). There is nothing to show for it.
This frame of mind is leaving me but sometimes it rushes back on me. I just wish that I didn't have to feel so hung up on being married.
I wish I could be like the women that you hear about that are just fine with not being married and they have a wonderful relationship with their long time boyfriend. I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend also and there are no real problems. That is until I start to feel depressed, and start thinking about how I am going to be single for the rest of my life. Then I decide at that very moment that I am going to say something and most of the time it is out of anger and I regret it the moment that it comes out of my mouth.
I have gotten better at not mentioning anything like that to him. Maybe that is why this is a good idea. Atleast I can get it out of me and I don't have to worry about us breaking up again because I don't know when to shut up and enjoy a good thing. He always asks me why we have to get married and that he likes things the way that they are.
I think I am just starting to realize how old I am and sometimes I don't think that I have done much or atleast after being with someone for as long as I have (5 years). There is nothing to show for it.
This frame of mind is leaving me but sometimes it rushes back on me. I just wish that I didn't have to feel so hung up on being married.
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