Anthony

Anthony is my child, my soul, my one true love.

I never in my life imagined that I would be able to love someone so much, let alone the minute the minute I set eyes on him. I am always so scared that I will not do a good enough job in raising him, but when I see him smile and tell me that he loves me I know differently. He looks up to me and loves me so much.

In the way of Anthony of having a parent I am the only one that he can ever truly depend on.

His father is a flake and always will be one. I do not believe that Anthony will ever gain a real respect for him. It doesn't matter because he doesn't deserve it. Anthony's father has plenty of opportunities to spend time with him but he chooses to go out and party after work instead. I am scared of the questions that I know will arise in a couple of years from now about his father. I will answer truthfully, but for right now I will not say anything. My son is 6 and he will find out in time that his father is a looser. I don't think that I need to say anything to him.

Anthony draws such negative pictures sometimes and it worries me. He will draw pictures of someone killing someone else or even him killing other things. I don't know if this is normal or if it is his way of getting out the anger that he has built up. I don't know where he has this anger from. He has a great life at home and needs for nothing. I wonder sometimes if it is because of his father.

I am hoping with time he will be able to vocalize his feelings, but I guess it is ok even if it is coming out on paper for right now.

Anthony is a great kid and has no real problems and I am thankful everyday for that. I want him to see nothing but good in his life. I know that I cannot shield him from the cruelties of the world, but I think that I will always try. No matter how old he is I know I will always want to protect him. It is just part of being a mother.

We are on our own to take on the world, just the two of us.

I have a boyfriend and his daughter and I love them very much but since there is no ring yet it's not the same. But I love them all.

Things will work out in the end and that is something to look forward to.