Been A While...

Yes...I know...It's been a while but I don't think that it matters much because I don't think many people check out my page anyways. I just haven't been in the mood to be writting much so I thought that I would start now and give some updates and stuff along with some pictures...if I can figure it out.

Last time I wrote Cisco and I were leaving to go to a much needed getaway to California. It was such a nice trip. We stayed in Eagle Rock the first night and then headed over to Pasadena and stayed there the next two nights. We went to Venice Beach in the morning on I think it was Friday. I had never been there before but it was interesting to say the least.


We had so much fun. It was pretty cold out there that morning. I didn't think that it was going to be a chilly as it actually was. We walked around and had breakfast at a place that seemed ok at the time but a couple of hours later we decided that place wasn't the best choice after all. I tried to convince Cisco to get a tattoo there since there were a million places to get one but I was turned down in my offer.

From there we headed to the museum at the La Brea Tar Pits. I had been there before but I don't think that we were there that long before. There are places in that museum that I don't remember seeing before. Maybe it had just been a long time since I had been there last. It was nice. That took most of our afternoon.



I saw so many beautiful pieces of art and was amazed by so many of them. There were several things to leave that wonderment on how it was accomplished to the true talent that these artists possessed. It was cool. I wish we had something like that in Las Vegas...oh wait people are more worried about Video poker instead.


I can't really remember where we were headed when we saw this little piece of art. I think we were looking for the freeway to Venice when we passed by this guy on his morning walk. Interesting isn't it...



We did a lot of walking around in Pasadena and I even talked Cisco into taking me to City Walk at Universal well when we got there it was completely empty and when we got near the entrance to Universal Studios I talked Cisco into going. He looked at me like he wanted to slap me. MY reasoning was that since we were there we should just go for a little while and it would be fun. What he didn't know that was when he was in the bathroom at the hotel I was looking through a booklet that was in the room and I ripped out a coupon for Universal Studios. I thought that I would give it a try and it actually worked. He had to admit that he had fun when we got in there and we started walking around doing things. It was a nice day too. It got windy towards the end of the day and Jurrasic Park the Ride was shut down which sucked. That was the main reason why I wanted to go. I love that ride.

I think the only thing that is better at Universal compared to Disneyland is that they sell beer and you can drink it while you walk around and wait in lines. I don't think that they even sell beer at Disneyland...I think they used to when I was little in the places where you bought food but that was about it. The guy that was talking during the studio tour began to get on my nerves pretty quick but when he did I would just take a drink of my trusty beer. I was in trouble when I ran out though. I had wished I took a sweater though.


Well the trip came to a end and so did my fun. I was so not interested in coming home I wanted to stay another couple of days. I think that if Cisco left me there I would have been perfectly fine with that. I would have found food to eat and a place to stay. That is the easy part.

When we came home it was time for the kids to do the Valentines Day thing at school. Anthony wanted me to make cupcakes for his class so since I didn't have an oven my mom made them and I decorated them. I thought that these would be neat to post up.


We didn't go the the Valentines Day dance at the school last year and the kids begged to go this year so we went. It was fun for the kids...I guess that's the important part. As usual the girls all danced together and the boys tried their hardest to beat one another up by running around and chasing eachother. There was a little mini kid conga line goin' on for a while and that was neat.

I was surprised at how many people where there. Because it became so popular they decided that instead of holding it at the elementary school they had it in the lunch room of the high school that was near the house. That place was full and all the tables were taken. It was like eating at Mandalay Bay again in the middle of the lunch rush. You had to make friends with someone so that you could sit down and eat somewhere. The kids didn't sit down for long it was all the adults that were occupying the tables.

All in all it was a fun February. I guess it's off to see how March goes. I have been investigating a secret trip for Cisco and he doesn't know what it is at all. I think I may ask if he has a clue. I will have to give him a couple so that he can get the time off before I finalize it. But when I let the cat out of the bag to him I will release it to the public too.

I think this was a first for me but have you ever seen a purple dog?

I bet all of his little dog friends made fun of him before he left the house that day...poor thing...but I would probably do it too.:)

~M

On The Road Again...Finally...

It has been a long while as far as I am concerned that I have gotten out of this stinky town and I am sure glad that it is going to be this weekend. Cisco and I are going on a trip to LA. It should be fun. Just the two of us with the kids safely at grandma's house for the weekend.

I am very excited. I have to get out of work for a couple of days or my head is going to explode. I think that it is nice that Cisco and I have been going out of town every year for our Valentines Day. I think I am the one that started the tradition with me taking him to Death Valley. That was a fun trip. I don't remember some of it because I was so drunk but I know that we had a lot of fun there.

I'm not quite sure as to what we are going to do while in LA, I know for sure that we are going to the La Brea Tar pits and the museum that is there, I don't know the name of it, and then going to the Beverly Center. I have always wanted to go there but never had the chance. I was always told no by Cisco whenever we went by there or we never had the chance to go there because we were leaving town. I think that this will be nice to get out of town and just chill for three days.

~M

While My Computer Gently Weeps...

Well this poor computer has about had it...or so I would think. That is all I have been doing for the past couple weeks at work...actually working. Yes, I know it would be thought that I am supposed to be working but as usual it had been really slow up until right after New Years.

I was put in charge of helping design a condo which I thought would be fun...but I have grown tired of it already. Constantly being on the phone is not my cup of tea. Anyone who knows me also knows that is true. You will never catch me at home just sitting on the phone talking just to talk. This female feature was lost once I worked at Manadalay. Being on the phone with idiots ruined it for me. My friends aren't stupid just the idea of spending hours on the phone like I did in High School seems to be.

Olivia and I went to High School Musical the Concert and had a blast. It was quite enjoyable. I didn't think that it would be but I found myself standing up and trying to sing to some of the songs that I sort of knew. It was great fun though. I would definately do it again if I was given the chance.

Anthony and I are going to see "LOVE" but the date is TBD for now...more information on that as it comes.

Cisco and I are supposed to be going out of town next weekend on a little trip without the kids. This is something that is much needed not only for our relationship but also for me and my sanity. I have to get out of that office that I spend so much time in all alone all day long.

Well I will catch up with you all soon...

Happy Super Bowl Weekend! Go Colts!

~M

Semester Woes...

Well I have decided to skip this semester and just chill. I think that I have burned myself out a little bit. I took some pretty full class loads last year and even this fall it was a bit of a stretch. So I think a semester off is just what I need. It's nice to just go home after work instead of going to school until 9 and then going home so that I can study some more.

I have my own little aggrivations happening at home, but I choose not to get into them right now. Olivia and I had fun last night. We went to High School Musical the Concert. I didn't think that I would like it too much but it was fun. Of course all of the singers that have a little bit of a solo career had to get in that their albums would be out soon and you could hear all the kids telling their parents that they would want it. Olivia wanted a CD of one of the girls at the concert and I told her I would rather buy it at Target give the price difference. I don't really know anyone that would be stupid enough to buy a CD at a concert unless it was one that you couldn't get anywhere else...but even then I'm sure you could find it on the internet somewhere.

Well that is all I have for right now...and C if you are reading this and it is 6:30 or 7 in the morning you should get off of the computer and wake everyone up instead so that you're not rushing everyone later, there are more productive things you can be doing with your time also...

~M

And So It Begins...

Another semester at CCSN. It shouldn't be as demanding as the last two semesters because I could only afford to take one class. Math...I know...eww. Well that should make it nice and hard for this spring.

I am all better, no more Flu and the cough is pretty much gone. It took long enough. The curse has fallen upon me but atleast I am able to function with that going on as opposed to the flu.

There is a lot going on around here, atleast with the kids and I...Cisco on the other hand is just working and that is about it. Anthony's birthday is next week and I am taking him and a little friend of his out to dinner and then a movie tomorrow followed by a boy's sleepover. That should drain a good amount of energy from me. The next week I am taking Olivia to go and see High School Musical the Concert, so that should be fun. A bunch of screaming girls...actually it will be fun! The week after that I am taking Anthony to see "Love" for his birthday present from me. It is going to be busy and hectic with family but it's going to get real interesting with work now too. I am going to be put in charge of the design part of a remodel at the Park Towers Condo's at one of the unit's there. I have my first meeting tomorrow and I think from that point out I will find out what I am in for.

I think that it will be fun to finally be doing something different than sitting in the office all day doing billing and listening to Jerry Springer. The one good thing about getting out of the office more is that my grandmother is going to live with my mom now. She is the devil himself. I can't stand that woman. I am going to make sure that I go to the bathroom before I leave the house and take my lunch to work everyday so that I don't have to come out until it's time to go home. I'm going to start going to work around 7am instead of the 9:30-10:00 just so that I can leave at 3:00 when I pick up the kids and stay at home. I hope that it doesn't get as bad as I think it will...wish me luck!

~M

UM...Why Me...

I feel like someone just kicked me in the head and then I was run over by a semi-truck. Yes, I think that is the best way to describe how this Flu has affected me.

I don't know who to thank for this little gift that I have been given. Anthony? Olivia? Someone that I don't know? Who knows? All I do know is that I am ready to stop feeling this way and to actually get some real sleep now. I haven't slept because I can't stop coughing, I have a constant headache from my sinuses and from the coughing also and from not sleeping.

I can't remember the last time I had the flu, it has been years maybe even a decade, the fact that I don't remember means that it's been a long time.

Everyone has received this little post holiday gift, Anthony, my mom, Rick and even people that aren't even living with us in our family. I have decided that next year I am going to get a flu shot. I don't know if it will work or if it makes a tremendous difference, but it's worth a try.

~M

This Christmas Morning...

So while the kids are still are tucked in their beds, with dreams of sugar plums dancing in their heads I thought that I would write this early Christmas morning. I love the feeling of Christmas, especially now because of the kids. All of the excitement and anticipation is there all over again waiting for Santa to come and to open presents in the morning. But for this year I am thinking more and more of how happy I am to be here with my little makeshift family and how much I love them.

It's nice to get presents but to watch how happy my family is around this holiday season is so much better and it makes me so happy. I am just thankful for so much, not gifts, but for the love that I feel from others. A family that is not even my own and also my own. It's a wonderful feeling and it's nice to know that the love is there year around and not just at Christmas time.

So I hope that those of you that will be reading this think of those in your life that make it all the more rewarding this Christmas, but also are able to recognize your family and friends love and appreciation all year round.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...

~M

Imagine...

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

"Imagine" ~ John Lennon

On the anniversary of his death, he will never be forgotten.

~M

Birthday Wishes...

Well the day has come and past...and looking back the day after it was better than I even wrote in my previous blog.

I didn't wake up to tons of post it notes around the house telling me Happy Birthday or I Love You...but I did wake up to the Cisco telling me Happy Birthday 27 times and smothering me with kisses and hugs that morning.

I didn't have a cup of Decaf Vanilla Latte from Starbucks waiting for me in the morning either...but I had a wonderful cup of hot coffee the Cisco made me entirely out of love, it even came in a "You are Special Today" mug.

I did go to work with my little crown perched on top of my head. I even went to school with it on. I think I wore it all day until I got home that night.

I did go to work and have a wonderful breakfast made entirely for me from Olivia.

I had a special breakfast that Anthony made me later that day too!

I didn't get my birthday card that morning but I did get two really cute E-Cards from the Cisco and from my bestest friend.

I was serenaded by Olivia's school choir with Christmas music when I attended the best concert of the year.

I didn't get flowers delivered to work but I was surprised with them sitting on the counter at home when I walked in the door.

I also got to indulge in a wonderful Cappachino cake with only three candles instead of the horrifying 27 that would have burned down the house.

I had one of the funniest birthday cards that I have ever had in my life from my love and two custom made cards from my kids.

I received a present that was totally unexpected...a past, present and future ring from my hunny.

I had a wonderful birthday, the week was full of travel, shows, love and happiness. I think it was the best birthday that I have ever had and it is a birthday that I will cherish till the end of time. Even if I didn't get any of those things I know that I have the love of my family, kids, and hunny around me all of the time. Material things can't beat that, even though I really like what I got for my birthday, it makes me happy to know that I am loved like that.

Here's to growing wiser, smarter and happier...not older.

~M

Thanksgiving in San Francisco...

Day One ~ Wednesday, November 22

It was a great day for a drive. I decided that Anthony should just stay out of school and he could help Cisco clean up the house and get his little bag packed for the trip that we were about to embarq on. I went to work for a couple of hours and went to go get some lunch for us before we left. We packed up the car, played musical vehicles and then finally started driving around 1:30pm. The original plan was to leave around 11:30am, I knew that wasn't going to happen though. My secret thought was that Anthony and Cisco were playing XBox for a better part of the morning instead of getting ready like I told them to. It's ok though, because we atleast got out of the house before the sun started going down. We drove into a little town named Hanford, CA. We found the hotel, got into jammies and Anthony and Cisco decided to mess up one of the beds by playing in it for most of the evening. It was fun though. We watched the end of Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire and watched some of the Garfield movie. I think I turned off the T.V. around 12:30am and Anthony was still up watching T.V. 2:30am brought on the wakeup call of the century. The hotel is located within a mile of a railroad track and this train had it's horns blowing. My eyes opened rather wide and I was AWAKE at the sound of this stuff. It was a true, My Cousin Vinny moment. There were several thoughts that went through my mind that night. I think the train blairing it's horn went on until about 5:30am, that was the last I remember hearing of it. I was more that a little bit tired the next day.

Day Two ~ Thursday, November 23 ~ Thanksgiving Day

It was really nice on this day. I thought that it would be really cold but it wasn't. We started driving toward San Francisco around 9:30am and got there at about 12:30pm. It was a nice drive. There was a lot of traffic, I had never been somewhere else for Thanksgiving or atleast never had to drive somewhere for Thanksgiving before so it was a totally new experience. It was nice when we got to our destination. It wasn't as cold as I thought it would be up there. I was so ready for a nap when we got to Olivia's aunt's house. But then it was time to visit and help out with whatever I was asked to help with, which wasn't much. Things were pretty much done. It was time to get ready for dinner not too long after we arrived. Got the clothes ironed, the kids ready and myself and Cisco as well. There were a lot of people that came to dinner. Things were so nicely decorated. The tables had name places at the seats, glasses, flowers, everything. It was a nice spread. There was the traditional things served as well as pomagranate cosmos, yummy. We ate, visited, ate dessert, and then played some cards. I was toast by the time we went to sleep.

Day Three ~ Friday, November 24

A day in the city. Cisco wanted to go and visit the 'witchcraft in San Francisco so we drove out there in the morning. I have never seen such a complicated parking lot to get into than the one that is located across the street from the Westfair Mall. You have to get in line with your car on the other side of the block and then wrap around to get into it. That was about a process of around 1/2 an hour. Once we finally got into the parking lot it was smooth sailing. We had lunch at the 'witchcraft and then went into the mall. This thing was huge. It was atleast 7 stories. It wasn't a long building though, just high. There were a lot of stores, but I hate going to a mall that I'm not familiar with because I don't know where my favorite stores are located and I always feel awkward going to a mall with Cisco, because I am in the mood to look and window shop but I always feel like he is just tapping his foot. He doesn't say anything, that's just me. We took Anthony to see Santa while we were there and then went out to the street and started walking looking for more stores to go to and look around. Let's keep in mind that this was on Black Friday, so it was some sort of a nightmare. We walked up to the Disney Store and Anthony got himself a little toy, since he was so cold I had to buy him a hat there too. Cisco wanted to look in Williams Sonoma for some stuff for work and right next door was Tiffany's so I went there. I bought myself a sterling silver bracelet for my Birthday, it's so pretty. We walked over to the Westin, I don't remember the name of it, but it's really old. We went in and grabbed something to eat and drink and then headed back to the car because we were going to see a movie with the whole gang. The city was definatly busy and part of the problem that I found was there there was a couple of demostrations going on and picketors in front of Macy's. Other than that I had so much fun walking around. I think it would have been easier without Anthony, but it was still fun. We went and saw Happy Feet, which I didn't wanna see anyways, but when we walked out of there I knew why. Now how is it that the creators of this movie think that there are going to be Mexican Pengins? We went back to the house and had Thanksgiving leftovers and watched Over the Hedge. Now that movie is funny.

Day Four ~ Saturday, November 25

Oh crap, I don't have a phone to call Jackie on her birthday and I can't find a stamp to mail her card out. This is also the day that we start to head back home. We drove out to Yosemite. I have never been there before and let me just say the road to get there sucks. Anthony and I felt car sick the whole way up the mountain because it was so curvy. I don't do curvy. It is really pretty up there though. Let me also say that I wish I would have known that it was going to be as cold as it was. WE WERE FREEZING!!!! I think that was all that Anthony did up there was complain about how cold it was. We found somewhere to stay up there that night and then went and had dinner at a restaurant up there. It was nice. We went back to the hotel and took a shower. Hello!!!! The shower would go to perfect warm water to scalding hot water. Cisco and I were stuck in the shower screaming for help from Anthony to turn it colder! That's pretty bad. I felt like I had second degree burns on my legs from that water. That was horrible. I was so scared of the shower I skipped it all together the next morning. We saw some bears, and deer ran past our room the next morning.

Day Five ~ Sunday, November 26

It was Cold, Cold, Cold that morning. We went and had the worst breakfast of our lives and then drove out of the park. We took lots of pictures, which we had to talk Anthony into. We drove up to about 9 thousand feet on this mountain. There was snow up there and all of the rivers were frozen over with ice. It was really neat. Cisco and I kept on running out of the car to take pictures while Anthony stayed snuggly warm in the back seat. We took some really neat pictures up there. It was so beautiful. Cisco says that was my birthday hotel room and that is good for me. I had a lot of fun. I'm glad that we went up there. We drove back down and headed towards Death Valley. We ventured down the wrong road because this paved road that we were on turned into a dirt road and there were only three cars that ended up passing us on this road. I swear I didn't think that the car was going to make it. Cisco and I started talking to pass the time. He had asked me what the worst thing that I could think of happening to us. I told him, " Not being able to find the main road. Having to spend the night here in the car and someone coming along and murdering us in the middle of the desert." He said, "Where would someone come from?" Because there was nothing and no one out there. I told him, "You know in those movies people just come out of nowhere." Right when I said that we went over a little hill and there was this lady jogging in the middle of the desert on the same road that we were on. Cisco was officially freaked out. We hadn't seen anyone or anything for the longest time and then out of nowhere there is lady jogging. We finally found the road and headed home. We took a two hour detur on accident. But it was certainly interesting. I was just happy that we weren't driving at night in that patch of desert that we were in. I would not have been a happy camper. We headed home and drove to my mom's house for dinner.

It was a nice trip. I consitered that my Birthday trip. I did so much while we were gone. I may have froze for some of it but it was totally worth it to do it all. I wouldn't trade that in for the world.

Thanks hunny for the idea of going up there for Thanksgiving. I love you...

~M

I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself...

Is It A Series Of Unfortunate Events...

I'm bored...

I'm bored...

I'm BORED...

Not with my life in general but with my realationship in general. It seems to be the same all the time, the conversation has become repetition and contains the same information all of the time. How is it that I should be able to change that up?

The same thing occuring in the relationship everyday is a good thing, I'm all for stability, but changing things up every once and a while isn't bad either.

Going to bed with naked used to bring feelings of desire and want. It was guaranteed to bring warm cuddling, kissing and a very strong prospect to Nookie...not now, sometimes but more times than not, it doesn't happen.

I used to be excited when the kids went to spend the night at grandma's house. It was always guaranteed that there would be an adventure that night, now it is spent trying to figure out what to do and usually always entails a male falling asleep on the couch at about 9:30.

As Tom Cruise would put it, "He's lost that loving feeling". There is no romance, there is no surprise. Now, it's not something that I am hoping for everyday, but it's been made so clear that these are things that I need in my life to be able to sustain. However, the desire from him to do things that would bring spark and romance is not anywhere to be found.

There used to be mornings of cuddling and if that wasn't there atleast when he woke up at the crack of dawn he would stay in bed with me, turn on the T.V. and when I woke up I could roll over and hold him. Now he goes into the study area turns on the T.V. and what wakes me up everymorning is the rapid typing on the keyboard. He says that he doesn't want to wake me up, but I see it another way. Atleast when he would stay in bed there was always playing that would sometimes lead to a nookie factor or atleast a playful smile would emerge.

Who knows, I don't. I'm glad that I am in a stable relationship, but this relationship doesn't warrent being like an old married couple. Especially since he refuses to marry me. I know that we all have our schedules and everything going on but it's getting boring seeing him fall asleep right after he get's home from work. There used to be so much talking and interesting conversation going on. It seems as though his thought and brainwaves have gone out the window sometimes. I know that I may be to blame for some of this. I could help, but I feel that I bring most of it around this relationship. Maybe that is what needs to happen if I desire for things to be different, but it's hard to be the only one doing things.

I found out that there have been other men that do things every once and a while, mark a spot on the calendar and when that date comes up do something or bring something home that is romantic.

It's sad when I wake up at 6:30 in the morning with nothing but thoughts of how to title this blog. But such is life.

~M

Almost There...

Well Fall semester is coming to an end. It was pretty rough going for a while. I dropped two classes because they were more intensive than I thought that they would be. It's alright though. I still have four that I am taking.

I received my grade for Astronomy and it was an A+, one down three more to go. My last class date is on December 12 and I have one research paper to do on Hedda Gabler and a paper to do on relationships from Communications. Other than that Math is just the testing. Since I have an A+ in my Astronomy class I was given the option to not go back to that class, which I am taking. Why go if I don't need to, I'm happy with a 98% in the class, that may have gone up since the test lastnight, which was 100%.

I feel good about how I am doing in school right now. I have been working hard and reading a lot. I am half way done with getting my AB and it will be good to graduate from CCSN and then transfer to UNLV.

I am in the process of deciding if I want to go with a Double Major. I don't know. I do know that it will be a lot of work, but I can do it. Especially if I put my mind to it.

~M

A Load Of Ideas...

So since my Birthday is just around the corner I have been asked by several people how I would like to spend it. I have thought very deeply and hard about this and I am ready to put down various examples. I have told the Cisco that I shouldn't have to tell him what to do for my birthday. I would think that by now he would know that I am an extremely romantic person and he would know what I would want to do. But it should be interesting to see. I will give a scenario and then proceed with my list.

Wake up in the morning, smack one of the kids on the head to wake up for school. :) Find post it notes around the house telling me Happy Birthday and how much I am loved. Smile and smack someone else on the head out of sheer happiness. Drink my special. Grande Decaf Vanilla Latte that was brought from Starbucks just for me. Drive myself and the Kidlets to my job. Work begrudgingly on my birthday. Make sure that I tell everyone at work and at the job site that it is my birthday by wearing my little princess crown that I bought at Disneyland. Go to lunch with the kidlets. Sometime in the afternoon be so surprised that I almost cry when I receive a dozen roses (11 red and 1 white in the middle, or fire and ice) delivered to me at work, with a beautiful card to go with it. Smack one of the kids again out of sheer happiness :P Work until ummmm...about 4:30pm. Go home make me and the kiddies dinner or if I get really lucky the Cisco will not be busy that day and he will take us out to dinner, while I will still be wearing my crown mind you. Go home tuck the kiddies in bed and then drink Port until I can't see straight!

I think that would be a good birthday. Now, let's keep in mind that there has to be a celebration happening during the weekend! Here is a list of ideas that I have in mind for that weekend!

Restaurants

Coco's
Rosemarys
Alize
McDonalds
Andres
Craft Steak

Things I would like to do afterwards

See a show, such as...

O
Barry Mannalo
Mystere (again)
Love
Penn and Teller
Chippendales

And then after that enjoy a drink somewhere.

Such as...

The Mix
Roadrunner
VooDoo Lounge
PT's Pub
Ghost Bar
Onyx Lounge

Now, if the Cisco isn't able to come up with his own ideas for this birthday thing and he decides to use my list as a reference I certainly hope that he is going to use his Left side of the brain to pick appropriate choices. I have already went over this with him once, so it will be interesting to find out if he is able to pick the right things. I wouldn't think that it would be hard. It would be nice to stay somewhere other than home with something waiting in the room upon our arrival. But who knows...

A question of presents has also been brought up and with the Cisco I have solved this dilemma by helping him out. He can either get me nothing or an Engagement ring. I am no longer shy about asking about this. He knows what I want and if he chooses not to get me that then I want nothing for Birthday's, Christmas', Valentines', anniversary's. He says, "that's not fair", I beg to differ. I can think of something else that isn't fair...Don't make me go there. But I think that if he doesn't want to marry me then shopping for me for the holiday's is going to be extremely easy, one less thing to buy.

From my parents I know I'm gonna get money, and that is good, I need a new outfit and to pay for the $700 diamond bracelet that I bought for myself, for my birthday of course! I never bought real jewelry before and it was fun. It's a simple bracelet with little diamonds in it, I like it. She gave me a huge discount because I said it was my birthday present to myself. I can't wait to get it!

Well here is to a Happy Birthday to myself in a couple of weeks.

~M

And So The Countdown Begins...

My birthday is this month. I guess it is something to be excited about. I have noticed, however, that during the past couple of years having a birthday isn't as exciting as it was in years past. I think growing up has a lot to do with it. I am begining to look at it as just another day on the calendar. It's ok, I guess. I think that I am a little disapointed. I thought that I would be doing so many other things and having so much more when I turned 25, 26 and now 27. I am beginning to accept it, or forcing myself to accept it. It's ok, it's just another day.

~M

Weekend Full Of...

F~U~N!

Yes, this weekend was indeed a long one. It came time to throw Anthony and Olivia their Halloween Party that I had promised since last year. It was indeed something spectacular to witness. There weren't too many kids there which made it more wonderful.

I spent nearly all night on Friday cutting, choping, baking, and rolling food for party trays and desserts. Decorating the house was fun too. It was all prety much done because when October rolled around I had to decorate the house anyway. My mom bought a fog machine and I bought two and a half dozen of black and orange balloons. The house looked great. The kids had pumpkins to decorate (foam and glitter glue) while they waited for the rest of the herd to come along to the party.

We played a cotton ball game where you are blindfolded and have to scoop up the cotton balls with a spoon and put them into the bucket on top of your head. This game is one that I usually see at baby showers but it was fun here. The kids loved it. Anthony won that one.

The other game is always a favorite, kind of, musical chairs. My brother was the DJ for that one. It was fun, but there was tears from one little girl. She was out right away. I felt really bad and wished that we hadn't played, but I thought that since the kids were older they would be able to handle not winning a game. I guess I underestimated. One of Olivia's little friends won that game.

Another was Hot Pumpkin, which is exactly like hot potato but with a pumpkin. My brother was the DJ for that one also. This game also ended in tears for the 2nd place winner. Another one of Olivia's friends won that one.

Haunted Hunt was fun, thanks to the help of my love painting last year's Easter Eggs Black and Orange at 1am. I filled the eggs with candy and some with a piece of paper for prizes. This game was fun. Everyone had fun with it. Nearly everyone got a little prize to take home...including the pumpkin buckets that I bought everyone to hunt with. This was a real treat the kids had a ton of fun opening their eggs to find things in them.

The last game was a popcorn kernal toss. The kids had to try and get as many popcorn kernals in a cup as possible. This was a pain because then you had to count the kernals. I don't think that we will be playing that game next year. Another one of Olivia's little friends won that one too!

We all had a ton of fun. My only regret is that I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted to, it was hard because I was trying to run all of the games. I should have made someone in charge of the camera while I did it all. Next year will be even better...I want to do some kind of haunted house thing that isn't too scary. I think that I will have it go on a little bit later like 4 instead of 3pm. It will be fun because each year you get more and more stuff to make it better. It will be fun when the kids are in Jr. High to do something, especially the haunted house thing. Older kids love that kind of stuff!

~M

Happiest Place on Earth...

Well I hope so anyways...

Anthony, Lucy aka Mom and I are going to California this weekend to attend a reception of a friend who didn't invite me to the wedding because it was in New York...or atleast that was the reason she said. It's ok...I will get back at her one day. I'm not too sure when that will happen but it will.

So tomorrow when Anthony gets out of school we are getting right on the road and then driving to Anaheim. On Saturday I'm sure we will wake up and have breakfast and then drive over to San Diego for the thingie.

Sunday will be awesome though...



We are going to my, as Anthony would say, "Favoritest Place" in the world. Disneyland. We are only going there for the day, but that is enough for me. Cisco thinks that I am crazy because I am then going there again in January for Anthony's birhday. We are going for three days! Which is perfect because it gives us plenty of time to do things without rushing here and there and everywhere!



My mom got on my nerves big time when we went to Disneyland together with only the kids two years ago. I think it was because she was being a grandma and I was being a mom and the two weren't mixing well. Now I just let her buy all the crap that she wants to for the kids because what is the use in fighting. It's her money not mine. I know that the junk will end up broken or in the trash in a couple of weeks but. I have to think back on when I was a kid and when my brother and I went to Disneyland my mom and Rick used to buy us all this stuff...candy, toys, light up ears, hats. EVERYTHING. I don't want Anthony and Olivia looking back on me thinking that I was the Disney Nazi so I lightened up and even joined in on the spoiling. They will only be little once and I know that I have nothing but good mememories of going to Disneyland and I want the same for them.

Even if eating a giant turkey leg brings sheer joy.



I know that the trip is going to be a fast one but I am totally game. I seriously thought about buying a season's pass for Disneyland. It would be totally worth it for me. I would then only have to worry about the hotel room. In January I am thinking about springing for a hotel room at the Disneyland Hotel or Disney's Californian Hotel which is in Downtown Disney. I wonder what the deal is with parking though. Well it will be a fun trip. Olivia isn't going on this quick one but she is going in January so it will be full of family fun even if it's only us and my mom.

I have never been to Disneyland in October and they have it dressed up for Halloween it should be cool. I guess the characters dress up and the Haunted Masion is just like the Nightmare Before Christmas. That will be cool to see. And who can forget that Pirates of the Carrabean is now open and is new. I hope that I am not too disapointed. I loved the old one and I hope that it is still cool. Eventhough I have to bribe Anthony to ride Splash Mountain it should be awesome.

And like Anthony I might have to write a note on my hand to remember to say "Thank You" I'll be so excited!

Looking In...

So one of the big assignments that I have for my Communications 102 class is an essay on "Looking In" at ourselves. Which covers the material that we have learned so far. We have to write about our self concept and how we came to the conclusion of out self concept, who we thing has had an influance on it and all. I have been thinking very hard about this and I am afraid that the essay is going to be quite disturbing. I almost want to post it when I am finished with it. Now, I haven't even started it but I have begun searching deep inside of myself to think about the how's and why's of me and what has lead me to where I am and who has had the influances on me being where I am today.

I think what is extremely upsetting to me is that I have always been a daddy's girl.

But, unfortunately I think some of my worst "habits" or "traits" that I have is because of him. I know that he has always loved me and cared for me, but he was never the kind of dad that was real interested in showing affection. I know it is because of the way he was raised and the way his parents were, but I always thought that the goal of a parent was to not be like their parents when it came to the negative things.

Some of the things that I catch myself doing is just like what my dad would do. I don't spank Anthony anymore, I made myself stop doing that. Now, it only happened when it was strongly warrented. He always definately deserved it, but I began hating myself because of it. I couldn't believe that I would let myself become so angry at something that didn't have a huge impact on our way of life or the danger of another person. My dad was so fast to spank my brother and I for things that I look back on and think were stupid. Things that could have been solved by spending large amounts of time in my room or being grounded. I think I especially hated the excuses that I heard when I was given the spankings with the famous leather belt that he would snap when coming down the hallway to issue the capitol punishment. "It's because I am worried about you" or the other one that was my favorite was "This hurts me more than it hurts you". Yeah, those were the days.

I think one particular punishment will always stick and to this day my dad is saying he is sorry. I was 5 and we were at the grocery store. This was back in the day where we didn't have any money and my dad had two jobs. A family day was going to the grocery store or running errands after school on his day off. It was especially great because it was the one time where he was sober, in the morning. We were at the store and they had this display of candy. It Branch's kind where it was in the little wrappers. I think that my favorite was always the kind that was pink, white and brown. I think it even had little pieces of shredded coconut in it. Well we NEVER got candy when we were with my dad because we just couldn't afford it. The money was better spent on Milk and REAL food. Well I just needed a piece of candy. It was calling to me like in the movies where the beam of light shines only on the area of high interest is located and the music plays. That is exactly what happened to me. I decided if I grabbed the piece of candy, unwrapped it, shoved it in my mouth and chewed as fast as I could, while I was hiding behind the display, no one would know. Well my dad went looking for me and found me in mid chew with the wrapper in my hand. He grabbed me and scolded me in the store. With the wrapper still in my hand and the candy in my tummy we went to the check out stand to pay for our groceries. I was humiliated in line by my dad making be confess to the checkout lady that I "stole" a piece of candy and ate it. I handed her the wrapper and then had to pay for the penny candy. When we got home I received a severe beating with the belt.

My dad says that he is sorry to this day for that incident. He blames himself for me feeling the need to steal the candy because he couldn't afford it. I always tell him that it's ok and that it happened a long time ago but now that I think about it, when I go to the store and I pass by those bulk candy booths I see the candy that got me into so much trouble that day and I turn my head right away, like I will get into touble for looking at the candy in the bin. I don't think that I have had a piece of that candy since that day.

I know that my dad gave me many positive things also, but it is such a shame that it is the bad things that come to mind when assignments like this come along. I know that I am a good person and I have to also think of the good things that my dad has instilled into me. Determination and the will to finish what I start is one that I am quite proud of. Being able to look someone in the eye and tell the truth and even when having a conversation about nothing with someone I don't care for very much. I have the ability to make everyone feel special. I have a good firm handshake and I am able to sum people within 5 minutes of meeting them, a skill that I have had from a very young age.

My mom has had a great influance on me as well, but like my dad I think about the bad things when reflection comes around. I have sworn not to do a lot of the things that my mom has done and I have followed through with all of those so far. My mom used to take us grocery shopping and when we were done we would have to wait near the slot machines while she tried her luck with the left over grocery money. My brother and I would sit there for a long time waiting for her to finish. We were able to watch the milk spoil, that's how long it felt like we were there. I think back on some of the times that it was just me and her. We would be going to Sav-On for something and then she would be swooned by the ringing slot machines and bright lights that grabbed the attention of her addiction. I would sit on the pole and wait for a while and when she would hit something she would cash out and give me twenty bucks, "go look around the store" she would tell me. I now think about how easy it would have been for someone to take me. I was constantly wondering around the store just looking around. How could I spend my twenty bucks that I had just received? It was like treasure. I would find what I wanted. Perfume or pens, crayons and paper. I would go back to where my mom was. The change lady who worked there could never put her lipstick within the lines of her lips and she smelled heavily of smoke all the time and she would come up to me and tell me where I would have to stand behind the imaginary line in the tile. I would watch my mom perplexed at how she could look at the screen for so long and be so happy. All she was doing was pressing buttons and sitting down. When I would ask my mom when we were going to leave she would hand me another twenty. Well that helped keep me busy. We would be there for hours and as long as I had the money I was out of her hair for a little while longer. I remember her leaving us in the car while she said she had to run into the store for something real quick. She ran in once and parked in a red zone. She told me to sit in the drivers seat in case someone came by and then wave my hand like I was going to move. Well I was only 10 or 11 so what the hell was she talking about. Panic set in right away. Next thing I knew there was a security guy honking the horn of his car telling me to move. That was it PANIC!!! I started to cry. He came up to the window and asked me to move the car and all I could say is that I didn't know how to drive. My mom came out and he scolded her about me being in the drivers seat. I believe she then scolded me about not moving the car. Wow, was I pissed at her about that for a long time.

Well any how. I just always said that if I ever had to go somewhere I would never leave the kids in the car. Even if it was to run into 7-11. I always had that fear that my mom would never come back out of the store, because she would be gone for so long. I would never want Anthony or Olivia to feel that way...even though they beg me sometimes to leave them in the car while I do what I have to. They might think that I am mean for dragging them out of the car and making them walk, but oh well, I always feel better about myself for doing it.

I love my mom and dad. They aren't perfect, just like I know there will be things that Anthony will write about, but hopefully there won't be too many stories. Believe me I have thousands more!

The paper for Communications should be quite interesting.

~M

Blaa...Blaa...Blaa...

As far as I am concerned there has been nothing all that interesting going on with my life and frankly I am becoming quite bored. I think that it is time to stir some s@*#! I don't know what yet and I don't know if I actually will be doing that but it seems like a good idea none the less.

I came back recently from the one day trip from Pasadena/Glendale and had an awesome time. I have decided that all parties that involve my minority friends and family are always better than the boring and bland caucasian parties that I have attended in the past. I certainly hope that this weekend will be that one exception (I'm attending a wedding here in Vegas).

For some reason all the parties that I have been to, including parties like Prom and Homecoming, that involve my white friends are always so bland. No one really wants to get up and dance and have a good time. They are too busy sitting at the table talking about what another person is wearing and what time the thing is going to be over.

On the other hand the other side of my family and friends, who happen to be Mexican, know how to make a party fun. There is of course plenty of drinking associated with these festivities and many songs and dances to keep one busy. Also no one is afraid to be the only one on the dance floor. (I have found at caucasian parties no one wants to be the only one or the first one on the dance floor. They would rather sit at the table and do a f*@&ed up version of a dance that they really don't know how to do.)

I have come to the point in my life where I have finally realized that I don't get out too much, I don't go to clubs hardly at all, I will never get married, and I will never have another child. So that means that when I go out to have a good time I will not be concerned about who is looking at me or what they think. I could care less. The only opinion that is important to me is that of my "little family" I don't care about the rest. They can kiss my dancin' ass for all I care!

~M

Yet Another Trip...

Yes, I guess you can call it a family outing. I don't know when the last time was that we all got out of town together. I know it's been a long while. It's sad when it's hard for me to think of the last time.

A childhood friend is having his son baptized in Glendale, CA this Sunday. So, I am packing a day's worth of clothes and we are leaving around 7pm. I have to pick up the Cisco at work and then we are going to go from there.

I am waiting for Olivia to come home so that we can finish up and then go and pick him up. I think I am going to make sandwiches, fruit and some drinks and that will be the food for the road. Considering we will have to eat while driving. I don't feel like getting there at 1am because we had to eat at Coco's in Baker.

It should be nice though. We are staying in Pasadena. We will wake up early tomorrow and have breakfast and then walk around in Old Town. I swear besides Manhattan that is my favorite place.

Well I don't have homework that I know of besides reading Madame Bovary for English, but that isn't due until Thursday and since there is no English or Astronomy class on Tuesday it will be ok.

~M