Just Catchin' Up...

I thought that I would let everyone in on what is going on besides killing myself at the gym. During Spring Break Anthony and I went to Disneyland, just the two of us. We had never done that before and it was so much fun. I think Olivia and I will do it next year. I know that I won't have to fight with her as much to ride some things like I did with Anthony. We had so much fun!!! I will have to post some pics when I get around to it, I hate trying to do that, it takes so long sometimes.

We have been very busy with school activites and plays. Olivia was in High School Musical at school, Anthony is going to have a Famous Nevadan Show at school he is going to be Kit Carson. We have to go and buy the clothes for it still.

School gets out in June and then the kids will be off and running for 3 months. They are going to Kansas City and Virginia for two weeks this summer, but I know there will be some camping trips thrown in there, so it should be fun.

A friend of mine and I made a deal that we will have lost enough weight to be comforatable enough in swim suits in public that we will get a cabana at one of the pools on the strip for the day. I think that will be so much fun. I'm looking forward to it.

Mother's Day is this weekend and each year it gets better as the kids get older. They get more creative and more excited about doing things with me that day. They are always worried about buying me something but I always tell them that I want them to make me things. Anthony and Olivia made a menu for breakfast on Mother's Day for me to choose from. So I have to circle what I want. The name of the resaurant is called "IMOM'S" It's so cute. I'm excited to see what they have planned for the day. Maybe I will do a little slip and slide with them outside on Sunday. I will have to remember to take pictures of the kids, with me not in them...lol.

I am registered for school for the Summer as well as for the Fall. I'm almost done, I only have two semesters after the fall...I think that is all that I have, then I am done and I can stress out about paying for UNLV. Lucky me. Well I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

~M

Just Keep Going...Just Keep Going...

So since my last post I've been running, walking briskly, running up hills at the park and playing outside with the kids more. I know that it hasn't been a full week, I think I am one day shy but I thought I would check in like I promised.

I am feeling so good about myself since I promised myself a new lease on life. I go out and do something everyday, with only Sunday as my day off. I run, not real fast but I do it the best I can and as far and often as I can to help build some endurance. I went with Cisco the other day and I thought that I was going to die. I'm glad that he went because I wouldn't have pushed myself that hard or far. Now I know that I can go as far as we did running and make it. I just have to try for a little further each time I go. The only problem is the turn around the corner from where we stopped was uphill from there, I guess that's my next challenge, running uphill.

Today I am going to buy a new scale the one we have is a piece of junk. I weighed myself in the morning and it said 215 and later on in the day I did it again and it said 212.5. It's a miracle you can lose 3.5 pounds in one day! So since the scale cannot give me an accurate reading I'm going to buy one that can. I can't go to the gym everyday to weigh myself.

My challenge right now is eating smaller portions of food at a sitting. I don't eat a lot right now as it is, but I would like to cut the portion size in half. I have to learn to eat 6 small healthy meals each day instead of Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner. Which is pretty much what I'm doing now, and then eating fruit or yogurt in between. I found this really great website www.livestrong.com/thedailyplate it's great, you can keep track of all your calories, your workout sessions, water you take in everyday, it's just got everything. You put in your weight and your weight loss goal for the week and it gives you how many calories that you should be having each day to achieve that goal. A friend of mine also said that there is an application for iPhone on there too, for those of you that have one.

It's been a challenging week, Cisco and the kids have been great about not letting me give any excuses for not going out there and at least taking a walk everyday and I'm so happy that they are doing that. I haven't had an ounce of fast food since I posted last week either, and my soda intake has drastically dropped (mostly because when I drink it I get headaches or don't feel too good after). So all in all I think I am off to a good start, now I just have to keep it up. I'm going to take it one week at a time and before I know it I will be there.

~M

A New Day...A New Beginning...

As the sun rises I am reminded of my commitment to myself. I need a new beginning. I need a new start. I need to stop making promises to others and deals with some and come to the reality that I need to do this for myself and no one else. I talked to Cisco about this the other night, but I wonder how much of the conversation he remembers...

I am willing to put myself out there completely, to be vulnerable, to be held accountable for my own actions. It may just be an online diary, but I know that some very close friends of mine read this and knowing that it's worth it to me.

I have said so many times before that I vow to lose weight and I'm going to start today, I'm going to the gym, I'm going to make a deal with whom ever to lose so much in this time frame...but I always fail at my vow and go back to the way things were. No more. I'm done. I'm tired of walking by the nice outfits and wishing that I could buy some but instead have to walk into the fat girl section of the store. I'm tired of not wanting to wear shorts in the summer in fear of how I would look in them. I want to go to the swimming pool with the kids and get in without feeling fat and gross. I don't know anyone that likes to feel that way. I want to start shopping in the Misses section of the store again and not the Women's. I want to start shopping at Victoria's Secret again and not at Lane Bryant. I'm just done.

I only work 3 days a week right now, and I have no excuses. I thought about it today too...think about all the time that we sit in front of the T.V. or reading books, magazines or are on the computer. Hours a day. But for some reason there is always the excuse of not having enough time in the day to workout and take care of yourself. I know that when I get home from work I think of all the things I still have to do, get dinner ready for the kids, help with homework and any other chores. But it's staying lighter later and we have dogs and there is a park right down the damn street. So now what is the excuse? There is always one that I can think of, but no more.

I have a goal. I really, really, really want to participate in a Marathon. Just to prove to myself that I can. I can't run for s***, but I think that I can fix that. I think the biggest reason why I can't run right now is because I am 90 pounds over weight and my body is telling my fat ass to get home and watch some T.V. instead of working out.

I am addicted to The Biggest Loser. I think it's the greatest show, it's just so inspiring. I think that I have to take that as a clue to stop sitting and watching it and doing it. If people are on there that are 360 pounds and climbing a mountain then I think that I can do it too. Yes, given that they are there for months and all they do is work out it makes it look so easy. But I know first hand that it will be a real bitch to get into this thing. I have to keep up a routine and just do it. Summer heat or not no more excuses.

I am 220 pounds...how does that happen!!!! I look at pictures of myself and am just grossed out. I personally don't think I look that big, but pictures tell such a different story. I know that the weight started when I was taking shots for birth control and they had steroids in them, I gained 10 pounds a year for 4 years from that. That's a lot, then I never did anything about it and it just got worse. It didn't help that I was in a relationship with someone that loved me regardless, so of course that was that. I'm tired of seeing that number.

I know that I am alone in my little battle and I will have to fight the war alone, but I know I can do it. I have the goal in my sight and even though it was hard to write it down and embarrassing I wrote that horrible number down. I've decided to update this every week to help myself see progress. I was going to put a photo up, but I'm just not THAT brave....

Today is my Monday and I'm so excited to find myself again...

~M

Trying To Stay Hopeful...

I'm really trying. It's been a pretty rough couple of weeks, I've just been down. Really down, I try my best to put on happy faces and smile when the time is appropriate but it's so tiring at the end of the day to pretend to be something that I am not...happy. I know that I have to look at the bigger picture and see what I have in front of me, and I try to everyday, but there are just some things that have been bothering me for so long and the aren't getting any better.

One great example would be the enormous feat of trying to get to the gym with no interruptions and nothing stopping me from going. My whole weight loss plan thing is out the window...again. I am coming close to defeat, I'm going to try to stay very with it this coming week since the kids are not in school and I will not be working much I can go and hopefully that will help things, see I try to keep it positive.

One other example is the job hunting, I'm sure that this is the same all around this country and it's so exhausting. I see ads all the time, I apply for jobs ALL THE TIME and never once have I recieved a call back. Oh, I had a bite for City Center, but now since they have been in the S*** I wouldn't be surprised if I got that one now. Even if I did they won't even offer me the job until September. That's right, SEPTEMBER! What the hell am I supposed to do til then! I'm down to 3 days a week now and I'm sure soon it will be cut down more, but all I can do is keep putting applications in and hope that McDonalds calls next week.

Cisco has been great through this whole thing and so have the kids. I know that I probably give them a harder time than I need to, and I try really hard to not have the little things get to me right now, because believe me it's easy for those little things to set me over the edge. I had a melt down last week and thought that all hope was lost. I was ready to jump out our second story window, but Cisco just layed there with me in our room and didn't say much of anything, he just let me get it all out, tears and all. I think that's why I love him so much. I think most guys would have gone into the living room and let their woman be. "Oh, I'll give her the space she soooo needs right now and when she's ready she will come out" Now I must admit that Cisco had done this before, but not when I seemed to be so sad and woeful. It's nice to know that person is there, it is a sign of support and understanding. Even if he does nothing but sit there with you through it.

I love you baby, maybe it's my turn to have someone to lean on in my time of need, and I am so glad that it is you that is there for me to lean on.

Love you forever babe...

~M

Sometimes I Wonder...

June 28th will be 9 years with Cisco. Nine years. That's a long time. I didn't think that this relationship would have lasted this long. I didn't think that it would last 1, I was surprised when that rolled around. So now every year its an amazing feat as far as I am concerned. I love him so much and he tells me the same, which I do believe. We have gotten into some heated arguments over the years, and I think the most obvious is marriage. I have always found it so difficult to talk to my friends about the subject because as a female the obvious questions that you ask your friends are, "It's been a couple of years and he still hasn't asked, what do I do?" Most answers are to leave, make an ultimatum, or just deal with it and ultimately be ok with it. I have had to do the latter, not because I want to but because I don't really have any choice unless I want to leave, and that isn't really much of an option right now.

I have always thought that my situation with this relationship always sucked when it came from getting dating advice from friends or family. Normally it's easy to get from people because someone has been in the same situation that you may be in at the moment and it's easy to get the advice. I have never been able to do that because I don't know anyone that has dated a widow. So all the advice that I have received over the years has been thrown straight into the circular file. So I am a lone sheep looking for guidance, swimming the unknown waters the best I can. I've come a long way on my own, all of it a learning experience. I can't say all of it was a good one, but a learning experience all the same. An example would have been that when we first got together I was so naive, I guess that I thought that it was normal or ok to be hidden away from the world when you are dating someone who was married before. It was understandable for us in a way because we worked together, but the same followed suit when we were out of work too. I didn't meet any family, except his brother and Olivia. No one else could know about me. I wondered why for the longest time and then put my foot down one night. That was it, I had it. If we were together then we were together and if he didn't want to let me see the light of day then he didn't need to be dating me any longer. That lasted for quite a while, I think a little over a year. I honestly don't know anyone that would put up with that, so I'm pretty proud of myself for doing so.

Dealing with the mood swings, depression, indecisiveness on our relationship, breaking up, getting back together, living there for weekends or weeks at a time, but not wanting to "move in" together. I have done it all. I hope someone comes to me with advice some day. I should write a book actually. I guess after a while it just takes a toll on you and you wonder what your place is in the relationship. I have wondered that so much.

I wondered that a lot recently. I believe in God, I believe that when you are facing judgement God will look at you and look at your life and will decide where you belong. I would hope that I will be allowed to go into heaven. I would hope that all the good things that I have done in my life will cancel out the bad and especially me staying in a relationship where the man I love doesn't have an interest in marrying me. I will tell you that I wonder how much of him not wanting to marry me has to do with me or with his issues at hand. I am beginning to not care anymore, not about him not wanting to marry me (I will always care about that) just about the reasons that he doesn't want to. It really sucks to know that I am not the one. To know that I am second best. To know that when I go to heaven I won't be with him. He will be with her. It really sucks and makes me so deeply hurt and sad that sometimes I don't know what to do but to close up. To know that if he had a choice it wouldn't be me. I think that is why when he tells me how much he loves me and cares for me I don't believe him, I know that he does, but I always wonder why. Not because I carried his child, not because we grew as adults and learned about life together. There are other reasons and I just wonder sometimes if they are just as good. I would hope so. I want to get married. I want to have the man I love look at me and I want to know that I am the only one. To be so sick inside and not want to go on living if something horrible were to happen to me. Maybe Cisco does feel that way about me, but I just don't know it. If he does then I would feel better a little, but it still wouldn't justify him not wanting to marry me. I just don't understand. I try to be ok with it all the time, but sometimes it's just hard, really hard.


I think that I am in just one of those funks right now, I've been feeling it for a couple of weeks now and it's not going away. Maybe taking Cisco up on his dare (of writing how exactly I feel) will make me feel better, or maybe it's just my turn to tell my side of the story. There is tons more, but I don't think I have it in me to write more right now.

~M

Valentines...

Valentines day...what an over rated "holiday" if you can even call it that. I have slowly began to hate this so called "holiday" just because it's over rated, over priced and over the top. Why can't every day be Valentines Day? Why does there have to be a whole day dedicated to showing that special someone that you love them? Cisco helped me see the light in that aspect. Olivia was so excited and asked me what I wanted or hoped that Cisco got me for Valentines and I told her that I didn't want anything except a card. She was completely taken back by that. She said, "BUT IT'S VALENTINES DAY!!! HE'S SUPPOSED TO GET YOU FLOWERS OR JEWELRY OR SOMETHING!!!" I continued to explain to her that flowers were overpriced during this time of year, the normal bouquet that you would by to show some love is normally $20 dollars or less, but for Valentines day it's around $60. Jewelry would be nice, but we can't afford those things right now, so a card would be perfect.

I normally don't expect anything during holiday's...execpt for a a card. I am a stickler for cards. That is the one thing that I will ask about, "did you get me a card?" It doesn't even have to be a card. It can be a note written in crayon on construction paper, a post it, some tree bark, on concrete, in the sand or in the dirt. I don't care, but it's just nice to get something that says that you are loved, regardless of the day. It could be on Presidents Day for all I care. It's just so wonderful to get something that you don't expect. It can be placed in the car, on the fridge on a cabinet...doesn't matter. Sometimes it's just nice to get something that is unexpected to put a smile on your face for the day...it beats bills.

For all of those that think that Valentines Day is something that needs to be celebrated and expensive presents bought, I'm sorry, you have officially been trapped by the "Hallmark" monster. (I love Halllmark, but I have to draw the line somewehere) However, I do wish everyone a wonderful holiday.

~M

Discovery...

Have you ever been scared of something, or knew that you either liked or disliked something with such a passion but just didn't know why?

Well I have been in that boat for years and every once and a while I will figure out why I feel the way I do about something. Let it be a phobia or a certain uneasiness about something unfamiliar. The discovery will sometimes come while I am dreaming or it will emerge when I am in the middle of that moment that I am comfortable or uncomfortable about a situation that I am in.

One thing that I am scared to death of are balloons. Hate them, hate them, hate them. It's always a fun little treat for someone when they find out that I am so scared of them because they insist on bringing them around me to wait for the reaction. Now, I am totally fine with Mylar balloons, they don't bother me at all. I rather enjoy sticking a straw into them and sucking the helium from them when I get a chance. When working at Mandalay Bay it was sometimes a regular thing for balloons to come into Room Service because people would send gifts or someone would win employee of the month and of course these stupid balloons would be set in my general area. I swiftly named another employee to be the lucky one to move them into the managers office or the order takers booth, I was not going to be the one to have those suckers pop while in my face.

I wondered for years as to why I was so scared of balloons, it just didn't make any sense to me that this fear was just there. There had to be a reason, I couldn't remember anything though. One day my mom told me that my brother popped some balloons in my face when we were little and ever since then I have had issues. So there is one problem solved, and now when I see balloons I run far far away.

The other issue that I have is that I hate night time. I don't look forward to the sun setting. Doesn't matter if I'm alone that night without the kids and Cisco is working or if there is a house full of people. I don't like it. I told this to Cisco the other night and he thought it was weird. I did too, and proceeded to try and think as to why I don't like the night time. It took a night or two, but the conclusion came to me laying in bed one night when I couldn't sleep. When I was in 5th grade and lived with my dad sometimes I had a babysitter and sometimes I didn't. He worked at night so he couldn't be there. Then in 6th, 7th and 8th grade I never had a babysitter. So I was always by myself. I wasn't scared that the boogy man was gonna get me so much as it was being alone. I just don't like that feeling. So to solve that problem back then I always had people at the house. I invited my friends over, my cousin, had parties, you name it just so I wasn't by myself. My best friend lived across the street, but that didn't matter because she didn't live with me. Some nights I would stay up until 2 am to wait for my dad then go to sleep. That was bad though because I had school the next day.

But I thought that it was so wonderful that I figured out my own little mystery. Cisco wasn't as amazed as me, but I thought it was awesome. I'm sure that there are people that sit there for years and wonder why about some of the things that they do or how they feel and never come to a resolution. So the fact that I have makes me happy. I hope that I am able to figure some other mysteries out...I'm fresh out for right now though.

~M

This Boy...

I just don't know what to do about Anthony any longer. I am at my wits end. It is truly a shame that I say that and that I feel that way but I am. I want to hold up the white flag of surrender. We (Anthony's teacher, Cisco and I) have been trying pretty much since the beginning of the school year to help him out with his studies. He wasn't doing too hot, mostly D's and an F every once and a while. We do tutoring before school and after school on some days and then the rest is done in the class room and at home. The case of him having ADHD has come into play and we are in the process of getting that tested and seeing if there is something going on down that road. But, still in the mean time it's mainly his attitude about school. I know that kids just don't like school in general, they would rather stay at home and sleep or play video games all day, but that will and won't ever happen. I have spoken to him about what happens if you don't stay in school and where his life could go, but every time I say that he says how his grandpa will hire him and he can work with him. Since he has been telling me this I tell my step-dad to tell him that if he doesn't go to school and graduate that he won't hire him.

If you can believe it not even that worked to make him try a little harder in school. Cisco and I have discussed having him held back and doing the 4th grade again and I have spoken with his teacher about this and she said that it's nearly impossible to have a child held back a grade (thanks Bush, lovin' that no child left behind crap). I really do think that he needs it, not only because of the material but I think that if he sees that all his friends are in 5th and he's stuck in 4th he will finally get a clue. Now, I would hate to go through all that and still see that it didn't work so I'm holding off on making a phone call to the Oval Office to make it happen.

Anthony's teacher called me at work and I spoke with her about Anthony and his attitude about things, he just doesn't care. Everything that comes out of his mouth is, " I don't care ". I thought that he was saying that to just me and Cisco apparently he is telling his teacher to F*** off too, which is what I see the "I don't care" as a sign of. He is a good boy, he really is, but when it comes to school and having to go and coming home and doing home work, he turns into this monster. It's horrible, it's so stressful. I blame myself everyday for it all. I don't know what I could have done to make it different or if it's just hardwired into him somehow. I love school, I still do and he sees that I go. Olivia doesn't loathe school and Cisco graduated from College so I don't know where this immense hate for it comes from. Everyone has tried to get it out of him, but all he ever says about it is "I don't know". I could just grab him by the neck sometimes and choke him so that he would tell me what the problem is. I've begged him to tell me so that I could fix it but...nothing.

I'm so lost at this point. I don't know what else to do. I've taken video games away, lowered the bed time hour, no visits with friends or grandparents, no movies, etc. Anything you can think of I have done it. The only ammunition I have for this week is his birthday and his friend's birthday.

His friend is having his birthday on Saturday and he's not going to be able to go to that. Also, Anthony's birthday is tomorrow, and I don't know if I should still do all the things for him that I planned on because of this. The timing really sucks, his birthday party was going to be next week, but now that is going to go on the back burner until all this other stuff gets worked out. I will still throw him one, it may be in April but I will throw him one with all his little friends. I told Cisco that I have to feel some major support coming from him on this one...I do not want to go back on this, cause if I do Anthony will think that everything else that I said was not important. I have to hold firm and follow through with this one.

I don't know maybe a miracle will happen, but I'm not holding my breath.

~M

All Too Fast...

So sometimes I lay in bed and can't sleep.

The desire to sneak into Anthony or Olivia's room to snuggle while they are sleeping gets to be so bad that sometimes I give in and go in there. To smell their hair and face is just comforting. The smell isn't the same though, when they were little it smelled like baby shampoo and softness. The smell is similar, it's of innocence but not as strong as it used to be.

They spend more time in their rooms now, and upstairs building things. The desire to "hang out" with me downstairs isn't there as much anymore.

Sometimes when I am laying in bed at night this gets to me, it makes me sad, it makes me cry. It makes me wish that my babies were small again. Where they couldn't pronounce words right, where they would just sit around and make things and want us to look at them and their little faces would beam with joy when we would oogle their picture that slightly looks like a dog, or us.

When Anthony was a baby, or actually before I even had Anthony I came across a book called "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. I cry every time I read it. It's very difficult for me to read it to Anthony because I cry and he doesn't know why and then he cries. It's a wonderful book about a mother who cares for her son and every night cradles him in his arms and sings him a song about how much she loves him and will do so forever. She does this through his teen years, he does this when he is a grown man and when his mom is old and can't do anything for herself any longer he cradles her in his arms and sings the song that she has sung to him for all the days of his life. If you haven't read it you have to...especially if you have kids.

I never thought the day would come where they would actually grew up. I mean I knew it would happen, just not so soon. It hurts my heart to know that within the next couple of years Anthony won't want to go on "dates" to the movies and dinner with me on Friday nights any more. He won't want to snuggle in bed with me when dad isn't home, won't want to watch cartoons or cartoon movies with me for endless hours on Saturday nights any longer. He will want to go to his friend's house, go out to the movies with a girl, and then before I know it he will move out and hopefully visit every now and again. It makes me so incredibly sad. Trying not to cry while writing this is hard too.

My mom told me the day would come, but it just didn't seem possible. But it's approaching. Anthony is worried about his clothes and what he wears, Olivia is getting more and more into boys (how cute they are, and who she is "crushing" over). Have I really turned into the mom that is needing to take a class on the new teen lingo???? I'm only 29 how in the hell is that possible. I feel like I only got out of high school a couple of years ago!

It's hard and it sucks, but I keep thinking about the good things that will come out of it. Hopefully, Cisco and I have taught our kids to be responsible for their actions, be honest, be kind to others, never dream too big and to always love others. There is nothing much besides wrapping them in a plastic bubble that we can do to protect them and make them happy and healthy adults.

~M

Christmas...Etc...

It's over, I think that is all I really have to say about it. I'm glad that it is over, and not for the usual reasons that you would think. I was so sick during Christmas that I am glad that it is over. It started a couple of days before the wonderful and exciting little holiday came to our house. There were aunties and uncles in town, dinner at homes that I love to frequent, parties at others and none of them were enjoyed, at least by me. I didn't go to the candle light service at Olivia's grandma's church, and I love going to it every year. It was just a bad three weeks, yes, three weeks was how long I was sick for. I don't remember much of Christmas because of being sick, I just remember sleeping a lot and wishing that I didn't have to go to parties and dinners. But now that it is over I'm so happy.

The kids got the usual loot, too many presents and nowhere to put them. Cisco and I got things that we needed, which is always appreciated, and from our friends and family we got things we could play with and read, which is always nice to get, no matter how old you are! I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday with their family and friends like we did.

A couple of weeks ago Cisco went and cleaned out the storage unit of all the stuff from the store and it is now housed in our garage. By the looks of it, we may have our Christmas stuff up until next year. You can't get to anything in the house. I hope I don't need a hammer anytime soon, cause I wouldn't be able to get to it, I would have to go and buy a new one. The boxes for the Christmas tree and the ornaments are tucked away with chairs blocking it. I refuse to go in there, because every time I do I am tempted to get a bunch of that stuff and leave it in the driveway so that whom ever should pass our little house may just come along and take what they need. Cisco doesn't want me to sell any of that stuff, I'm sure, unless he is there, but I am going to have to pull some of it out and try for the best when I have a yard sale in a couple of weeks. I need to have my garage and sanity back. I can't remember the last time I personally took the trash out, I either wait for Cisco to do it, or on a garbage night I have the kids take it to the curb, you can't get to the front of the garage without needing to do a balancing act on top of carpets and chairs. You don't realize how much you go in there until you need to go in and can't get in. Oh, well at least no storage means one less bill every month.

Work is starting to feel more like work, I'm not happy here any more. I am ready for a change, I need to do some research and figure out what is going to be right for me. I am tired of working at my mom's house, not having anyone to talk to except for my mom or "grandma", I can't stand coming to my mom's on weekends, because I am here all week long. That sucks. I love my mom, but to hear her and my grandma talk and argue for hours on end in an echo enhanced kitchen with my office on the other side of the door is getting on my nerves. I just need a change, I don't know what to do about it yet, but when I do I promise that I will write about it 6 months after it happens! That seems to be the norm for me to get around to writing anymore.

I can't think of what else to write about right now. Anthony's birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and we are trying to figure out what to do for that. That's about it. Hope everyone is enjoying their winter and have a safe one at that.

~M

Thought You May Enjoy a Good Laugh...

I don't have much in the way of updates, but I found this video and thought it was hilarious... feel free to laugh out loud, I know I did.




~M

Gee How Long Has It Been...

Well I guess the last trip that I went on would be a good place to start. This year for my mom's birthday we went to Disneyland again. This time it was nice because my brother's girlfriend came with us. We spent the usual 3 days there and it was great. We left early in the morning on Thursday and came back on Sunday. The Thursday that we got there it was great because there were hardly any people there. On Saturday however it was a totally different story.
I can't remember the last time that I took a picture with Minnie!It's Halloween Time!!!Poor Lisa missed half of the trip due to the excessive texting and talking!!! Just kidding Lisa, you know I love you!Me and my mommy...that was a fun trip. Next year in November for the big 3-0 we are going to Disneyland for my birthday. That should be fun. I have never been there when it is dressed up for Christmas. It should be neat, the kids are going with us this time around.

I thought I would throw in one of Kipper laughing! How cute is that!

I guess next up on the shelf is Thanksgiving. I made dinner at my house for my dad (who didn't show up), his friend Gayle, my brother and Lisa showed up. I made a ton of food, I can say that right now if I never see stuffing, mashed potatoes or turkey again I will be happy. Since some people didn't show up and some didn't eat that meant there were a ton of leftovers. Which I put to good use, but it's still a pain to eat the same thing for 4 days. Me no gusta turkey sandwiches any longer!It was a really good turkey though. I had only ever made one other. Now I do have to confess that I found something out that day though. In the morning when I was prepping the turkey I pulled out the little bag that had the neck and the gibblets in it. Well when I opened the bag only the neck was in there. I shoved my hand so far up that Turkey's ass and still didn't find the rest of it. So I figured that Butterball jipped me and owed me about $3. Well later that night when I pulled the Turkey out of the oven and let it rest then cut into it, it was cooked beautifully. Not dry like I had nightmares over (think Griswald Christmas, turkey blowing apart when the knife was inserted). But I couldn't figure out what was in the neck of the turkey, it looked like paper. Well I pulled it out and Gayle started cracking up. "I wondered where in the hell the gibblets went" is what I screamed after opening the bag. I thought there was some secret surprise in there, I guess to Lulu and Kipper it was since they got to eat it later. But it was so funny. I guess I learned something that night. Did I mention that it was raining on Thanksgiving! I was so happy and excited about that. It really was a perfect day!The kiddies waiting to go outside after the rain...Anthony dreaming and wishing he could cut into the pie, but he has to wait one more day for Thanksgiving.Kipper gave up begging and decided to take a nap instead.

Well besides my 29th birthday on the 30th nothing else really happened. I thought I would end with some cute pics I have...Anthony, Kipper and Lulu...Me and my baby...

Till next time :)

~M

Miss M Lately...

There hasn't been a whole lot going on really. I have to sit down and download my pictures that I took while in Disneyland. My mom came up with the great idea of making a scrap book for all the pics or most of them anyways. I have never really scrapbooked before, it's fun. I'm sure it would be a pain in the ass if you weren't very creative though. Anthony and Olivia have been quite busy with school and some church activities. Cisco has been working a whole lot and so have I. I am not working the other job any longer so now I have time to do little things around the house, like move the living room around and tear up carpet in the den, which I will be doing tomorrow. That should be great fun. Not looking forward to Christmas this year, but what else is new. Thanks to the economy my children will really be able to appreciate their gifts ( which they usually do and don't ever complain) but I wonder what will happen still. We told them that due to the current economic crisis Santa won't be supplying that much this year, he had to ask the government for a loan. The kids looked at me like I was crazy. So I promise that soon I will post some precious photos of my chidrens.

~M

Proud To Be A Witness..

...to history. I am so proud to be able to say I watched as history was made on November 4, 2008. I will always remember that I was sitting in my living room watching and felt an enormous sense of awe as Obama gave his speech. I think this election was particularly important because our country is in such bad shape and I do not think that John McCain had a lot going for him because of that. Bush turned this country upside down and it is a real shame. Obama was right when he said it's going to be tough but things will get back on track. I am so glad to see that our country is not going to be run by Republicans for another 4 years. I think we now have a real chance to make things right. To all my friends who say they are moving to Canada I only have this to say, hope you send a post card.

It just baffles me to hear people say how good Bush did, or that this cannot all be blamed on him. Uh, someone drank the tainted punch. I just don't know how someone can look me in the face and say that things aren't as bad as everyone has put them out to be. Uh, yeah they are. I don't think that before this year I had ever seen one house that was being auctioned off, let alone 5 or 6 in one neighborhood alone. We are now in a recession regardless of what others may believe and what's worse is that we were led into a war under false pretenses and we as a country have had to suffer because of it. It's a real shame, but hopefully the end of embarrassment is near.

I did not only vote for the Obama / Biden ticket because I'm a Democrat, but because I was not about to have another idiot near the White House and yes I mean Sarah Palin. When considering things a sad but very real thought ran through my head. If something should happen to Obama could I as an American trust Biden to be our President, and the answer was yes. Now when I asked myself the same question with McCain I did not get the same answer. I was down right scared at the thought of this woman from Alaska of all places becoming our next president, should McCain die. I mean the woman didn't even know what the VP's role is with the Senate...come on.

I am at peace now knowing that we as a nation have a very real chance of getting out of this mess that Bush got us into and it will be a wonderful thing when we do start to see some real CHANGE.

~M

Back In Action...

Kind of. I am back from my Disneyland trip and am back to work, when I came back I was sick so now I am about all the way better and it's really nice. I will post some pics and update further when I get a chance.

Much Love,
~M

Something To Look Forward To...

Yay! Finally, it took long enough for there to be something to watch on TV! I have my Tivo all set up for this coming season. Since I'm working mostly at nights during the week I have to make sure all my favorite shows are being recorded. Thank god I will be home tonight to watch Desperate Housewives. I am looking forward to seeing how things have come along 5 years later and all :)

This is another one that I really got into that I am looking forward to watching tonight. It came on last week but Mr. Tivo is my little friend and I get to do laundry tonight and watch what happened! Happy happy!

there is some conflict with tonight so I have to Tivo Amazing Race so that Cisco can watch it with me. I am still wanting to be on this show...soon. I think that I will apply next season! I have to find someone to go with, I don't think Cisco would be able to.
I can't wait to see this tonight too!

got a couple of others that I like, like Survivor! I don't know why they are so fun to watch but they are. I think the only thing I hate about Survivor is what they do on one of the last shows, where they take the torch of the players that were thrown off and put them to rest...WHATEVER!!! Other than that, I like that show a lot!


There is also Saturday Night Live, especially since we have these joker nominees for the presidential race, it's pretty funny.

Well as you can see I don't have much else to blog about!

It's just a wonderful time of year! There is so much to look forward to, at least when it comes to watching TV!

Are You Serious...

The only reason why I ask this is because I always thought of women being more considerate of other people and clearly more tidy. This thought went completely out the window last night while I was working. Now, considering where I work I thought that people would be far better at picking up after themselves, but I was wrong. I worked in women's clothing last night where they have the evening dresses and women's suits, working in this area means that you have to keep tabs on the fitting rooms as well as the sales floor and tending to customers. I didn't think that this would be that big of a deal because I had done it the week before in men's clothing and it was easy, walk in check the dressing room and then sign my name. Piece of cake!

Now the under world of women's dressing rooms is a far different can of worms. I personally am very considerate when I go into a fitting room, I hang up my clothes when I am done and if there is somewhere to put them I place them there. The women that I dealt with last night are under the impression that since I work there and I am getting paid to put clothes away and adhere to their every whim they think that it is ok to leave clothes piled in knots on the fitting room floor, strewn over doors and left hanging by one string. Now I just know there there are some of you out there that are thinking, well it is your job to put the clothes away and make sure the fitting room is kept nice and clean. Yes, it is, but there is also something called common courtesy. When I use the restrooms at work I don't forget to flush the toilet and throw my paper towels on the floor just because I know that there is someone that will come and do it if I don't (and there are people that do this too, I've been unlucky enough to witness it). The least you can do is hang the clothes back on the hanger, hell I'll zip it up and button it, but I shouldn't have to untangle it, figure out where the hanger could have possibly gone all while you are asking me for another size. I just think that is plain wrong. It's pretty bad when men are better at the fitting room game then women. I thought for sure that would be far worse.

It just makes me wonder if they do that s*** at home. Do you leave your clothes in a knotted up mess laying in a pile on the floor? If something falls off the hanger when you are going through your clothes do you just leave it in a pile at the bottom of your closet? The answer is probably not, so why would you do it when you go out to other places. Just because you are somewhere other than home doesn't mean that you should forget about your manners. Now I know there there are some people out there men and women that have no concept of other people in the world and they could care less and that is fine, I can spot those people from a mile away and I deliberately do not help them because I know that they will be very rude and thoughtless throughout the whole process, there for making it not worth my while at all with the exception of leaving me frustrated and pissed off. Now, the ones that surprise me are the ones that are very polite and are a joy to help, then they screw you in the end. I spent an hour helping someone find the perfect dress last night, right fit and everything. When I finished trying to help her, she decided at the register that she didn't want to get the dress and that she would try Sears and then when I went back into her dressing room she left all of the dresses in a pile turned inside out and thrown everywhere. I swear if I could have found her I would have killed her with a hanger.

So please next time you go to the mall or a store, even a Target. Remember to be nice. Like the old video store slogan..."Be Kind Rewind". It's not that you have to do these things, it's just nice sometimes to do something for someone else.

~M

"I Am Not Going To Disneyland In October..."

Cisco wrote this and made me sign it but this of course was right after my mom and I went in October last year, and it was the second trip within a four month period so I was not exactly excited about going with my mom this year. Well when I told my mom that I wasn't going she said that she would take her friend with her. I definitely thought that she would not go at all because she wasn't taking me with her. Well a few months later she told me that she was going to take my brother's girlfriend. At this point I didn't really know her and I was just pissed that of all the people she could have taken that it would be her. I mean I hadn't even met the girl yet and my mom was instant best friends with her...please. Well I have gotten to know her since then and I just love her. She is the best thing that has happened to my brother and we love Disneyland like crazy so it's just a match in heaven. We do have a lot of fun together when we are together so that is good. I just love spending time with her, and I think that by her going my mom may calm down on feeling the need to talk excessively. I was really bummed at the thought that now that I wanted to go I couldn't because of school and now work, but since school is a no go for right now it was just going to be tricky to get the time off of the new job. Well I asked for time off from my new job so that I can go and actually got it, so now it's official I am going to Disneyland in October.

The bet was that I wouldn't go, I can't remember if Cisco and I actually bet anything on it, but my mom keeps reminding me that if I were to go he would pay for the ticket, she said that since she was a witness he can't go back on it...ha ha right? Yeah, well I don't really expect him to pay for the ticket, but if he wanted to give me some money to buy some Pooh crap while I'm there that would be ok too! So yes, I am going even though I signed the napkin saying I wouldn't. I know that the napkin is long gone, but since Cisco knew that I would destroy it he took a picture of it, I thought that I had erased it, apparently not. Damn those digital cameras...what ever happened to the 110 rolls that took years to develop!

~M

TMI...TMI...TMI...

Beware...Too Much Information can be dangerous.

I swear that is how I feel about one of my new co-workers. I guess there is someone like this in every establishment because I remember at Mandalay Bay there was someone like this as well. Wanting to share way too information about themselves. Let's call her A, well A decided to tell me all about her boyfriend today. Now let's keep in mind that I have never worked with this girl before. I guess it may be good that people feel so comforatable around me but I think that I would rather her not feel the need to tell me that she has sex with her well endowed boyfriend everyday and how good he is. She also felt the need to ask me how my sex life was. Now let's remember that when she was telling me this we were on the selling floor. I was surprised that my mouth didn't drop open. I just couldn't believe that she would feel the need to share this information with me. She also is such a lady. She thought it would be a good idea to burp quite loudly while a customer was walking by. Another girl we work with M said that she also farts in a customer's presence. How nice. I thought that my night of TMI would be over at the end of the night, but about 10 minutes before closing she wanted to air her frustration about having to still be there and the store not closing yet, since she wanted to go home and have sex and get something to eat. Gee aren't I stupid I keep forgetting that they fall into the same catagory! It's been a long time since I have had things to write about concerning work and I always get a kick out of other people's work stories. I have ever since I was little because my dad used to come home and tell me all of his, I never met these people but I knew who they were just by the stories he came home with everyday. I guess now I have my own to tell...again.

~M

Has It Really Been That Long...

Wow, nearly a month since I have been on here. That's hard to believe! That's quite a dry spell isn't it. Sorry to all of my loyal fans out there. It's been pretty busy around here, with school starting and me having a second job and all. Culinary School is unfortunately being put on hold for right now. I had to put my priorities together and sadly that doesn't include school right now. I was cut down to 3 day's a week at my little office job, so I decided that it would be a good idea to get a second job. I thought that it would be funny to add that into the mix. It's definatley a change of pace and I can honestly say that my feet have been killing me ever since I started this job. I am just so not used to being on my feet for three hours straight let alone 8 hours. This job is great because you even get lunch...however you have to clock out for it. It's ok, it's better than nothing right? It's funny because my uncle has been waiting for calls from the union hall for him to take some work, and it's been really slow there as well. So he's been taking unemployment and hoping that they call him for more that a one day job. He told me that instead of working his ass off for eight hours he would rather not work that one day and take unemployment. I couldn't do that. So when I told him that I was working two jobs and that I didn't have a day off from both on the same day, that if I was off at one I was working at the other he was telling me how depressing that would be. I continued to tell him that I didn't have much of a choice...but it took everything in me to not say, "Don't you think it's more depressing not having a job at all?" I swear I wonder why people don't think about what they say sometimes. I know that some people just can't see the glass as half full but, wouldn't you rather have two part time jobs, regardless of the day's off than to not have any job at all? Oh, well we have all lost hope on this particular family member years ago, so it's just best to keep our mouths shut and avoid confrontation, just hope for the best and be thankful that we are not where he is in his life.

So as I continue my little post before beddy bye and another long day tomorrow, I bid thee fair well and hope that it doesn't take another month for me to write.

~M