Trying To Stay Hopeful...

I'm really trying. It's been a pretty rough couple of weeks, I've just been down. Really down, I try my best to put on happy faces and smile when the time is appropriate but it's so tiring at the end of the day to pretend to be something that I am not...happy. I know that I have to look at the bigger picture and see what I have in front of me, and I try to everyday, but there are just some things that have been bothering me for so long and the aren't getting any better.

One great example would be the enormous feat of trying to get to the gym with no interruptions and nothing stopping me from going. My whole weight loss plan thing is out the window...again. I am coming close to defeat, I'm going to try to stay very with it this coming week since the kids are not in school and I will not be working much I can go and hopefully that will help things, see I try to keep it positive.

One other example is the job hunting, I'm sure that this is the same all around this country and it's so exhausting. I see ads all the time, I apply for jobs ALL THE TIME and never once have I recieved a call back. Oh, I had a bite for City Center, but now since they have been in the S*** I wouldn't be surprised if I got that one now. Even if I did they won't even offer me the job until September. That's right, SEPTEMBER! What the hell am I supposed to do til then! I'm down to 3 days a week now and I'm sure soon it will be cut down more, but all I can do is keep putting applications in and hope that McDonalds calls next week.

Cisco has been great through this whole thing and so have the kids. I know that I probably give them a harder time than I need to, and I try really hard to not have the little things get to me right now, because believe me it's easy for those little things to set me over the edge. I had a melt down last week and thought that all hope was lost. I was ready to jump out our second story window, but Cisco just layed there with me in our room and didn't say much of anything, he just let me get it all out, tears and all. I think that's why I love him so much. I think most guys would have gone into the living room and let their woman be. "Oh, I'll give her the space she soooo needs right now and when she's ready she will come out" Now I must admit that Cisco had done this before, but not when I seemed to be so sad and woeful. It's nice to know that person is there, it is a sign of support and understanding. Even if he does nothing but sit there with you through it.

I love you baby, maybe it's my turn to have someone to lean on in my time of need, and I am so glad that it is you that is there for me to lean on.

Love you forever babe...

~M