Discovery...

Have you ever been scared of something, or knew that you either liked or disliked something with such a passion but just didn't know why?

Well I have been in that boat for years and every once and a while I will figure out why I feel the way I do about something. Let it be a phobia or a certain uneasiness about something unfamiliar. The discovery will sometimes come while I am dreaming or it will emerge when I am in the middle of that moment that I am comfortable or uncomfortable about a situation that I am in.

One thing that I am scared to death of are balloons. Hate them, hate them, hate them. It's always a fun little treat for someone when they find out that I am so scared of them because they insist on bringing them around me to wait for the reaction. Now, I am totally fine with Mylar balloons, they don't bother me at all. I rather enjoy sticking a straw into them and sucking the helium from them when I get a chance. When working at Mandalay Bay it was sometimes a regular thing for balloons to come into Room Service because people would send gifts or someone would win employee of the month and of course these stupid balloons would be set in my general area. I swiftly named another employee to be the lucky one to move them into the managers office or the order takers booth, I was not going to be the one to have those suckers pop while in my face.

I wondered for years as to why I was so scared of balloons, it just didn't make any sense to me that this fear was just there. There had to be a reason, I couldn't remember anything though. One day my mom told me that my brother popped some balloons in my face when we were little and ever since then I have had issues. So there is one problem solved, and now when I see balloons I run far far away.

The other issue that I have is that I hate night time. I don't look forward to the sun setting. Doesn't matter if I'm alone that night without the kids and Cisco is working or if there is a house full of people. I don't like it. I told this to Cisco the other night and he thought it was weird. I did too, and proceeded to try and think as to why I don't like the night time. It took a night or two, but the conclusion came to me laying in bed one night when I couldn't sleep. When I was in 5th grade and lived with my dad sometimes I had a babysitter and sometimes I didn't. He worked at night so he couldn't be there. Then in 6th, 7th and 8th grade I never had a babysitter. So I was always by myself. I wasn't scared that the boogy man was gonna get me so much as it was being alone. I just don't like that feeling. So to solve that problem back then I always had people at the house. I invited my friends over, my cousin, had parties, you name it just so I wasn't by myself. My best friend lived across the street, but that didn't matter because she didn't live with me. Some nights I would stay up until 2 am to wait for my dad then go to sleep. That was bad though because I had school the next day.

But I thought that it was so wonderful that I figured out my own little mystery. Cisco wasn't as amazed as me, but I thought it was awesome. I'm sure that there are people that sit there for years and wonder why about some of the things that they do or how they feel and never come to a resolution. So the fact that I have makes me happy. I hope that I am able to figure some other mysteries out...I'm fresh out for right now though.

~M