All Too Fast...

So sometimes I lay in bed and can't sleep.

The desire to sneak into Anthony or Olivia's room to snuggle while they are sleeping gets to be so bad that sometimes I give in and go in there. To smell their hair and face is just comforting. The smell isn't the same though, when they were little it smelled like baby shampoo and softness. The smell is similar, it's of innocence but not as strong as it used to be.

They spend more time in their rooms now, and upstairs building things. The desire to "hang out" with me downstairs isn't there as much anymore.

Sometimes when I am laying in bed at night this gets to me, it makes me sad, it makes me cry. It makes me wish that my babies were small again. Where they couldn't pronounce words right, where they would just sit around and make things and want us to look at them and their little faces would beam with joy when we would oogle their picture that slightly looks like a dog, or us.

When Anthony was a baby, or actually before I even had Anthony I came across a book called "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch. I cry every time I read it. It's very difficult for me to read it to Anthony because I cry and he doesn't know why and then he cries. It's a wonderful book about a mother who cares for her son and every night cradles him in his arms and sings him a song about how much she loves him and will do so forever. She does this through his teen years, he does this when he is a grown man and when his mom is old and can't do anything for herself any longer he cradles her in his arms and sings the song that she has sung to him for all the days of his life. If you haven't read it you have to...especially if you have kids.

I never thought the day would come where they would actually grew up. I mean I knew it would happen, just not so soon. It hurts my heart to know that within the next couple of years Anthony won't want to go on "dates" to the movies and dinner with me on Friday nights any more. He won't want to snuggle in bed with me when dad isn't home, won't want to watch cartoons or cartoon movies with me for endless hours on Saturday nights any longer. He will want to go to his friend's house, go out to the movies with a girl, and then before I know it he will move out and hopefully visit every now and again. It makes me so incredibly sad. Trying not to cry while writing this is hard too.

My mom told me the day would come, but it just didn't seem possible. But it's approaching. Anthony is worried about his clothes and what he wears, Olivia is getting more and more into boys (how cute they are, and who she is "crushing" over). Have I really turned into the mom that is needing to take a class on the new teen lingo???? I'm only 29 how in the hell is that possible. I feel like I only got out of high school a couple of years ago!

It's hard and it sucks, but I keep thinking about the good things that will come out of it. Hopefully, Cisco and I have taught our kids to be responsible for their actions, be honest, be kind to others, never dream too big and to always love others. There is nothing much besides wrapping them in a plastic bubble that we can do to protect them and make them happy and healthy adults.

~M