Still So Unreal...

I sit in my living room and text people for their addresses, look online at places that make wedding cakes and drag Cisco to finish registering. All the while, I feel like I am doing it all for another person. I don't know why, but it just doesn't feel like I'm the one getting married, I don't know if it all has not sunk in yet or what by I'm still in awe sometimes when I think about it. When I look at all the work I have already done for the wedding and when I look at all the work that I still have to do to get finished with it all. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited, I can't wait and I am happy that I am ACTUALLY getting married, but I think that since I had waited for it for such a long time, it just seems unreal right now. I can't believe that next week I'm going to start paying for the biggest party of my life, and if you can believe it I am actually worried that people won't come. I think I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry all night if that actually happened, but I doubt that it will. I have such wonderful friends and family and I know they wouldn't do such a thing to me.

Sometimes I'll be driving to work and there will be a song that I love that comes on the radio and I turn it up and sing to it, and I think about how I want it to play at my wedding and then the little movie starts in my head. I think about my Father Daughter dance, I think about people wanting to dance with me because I'm the bride and I think about dancing with my Husband for the first time. I think about the cake, I think about the flowers and I think about all the people wanting to talk to us and congratulate us. I want to cry when I think about it, it just makes me so happy. The anticipation is horrible, but then I think of all the things that I still have to do and 7 months does not seem like a long enough time. I wish that all my bridesmaids lived in town, I guess it would make me feel better with the whole planning process. I'm in dark waters here, I have no clue what to do, where to go and in what order to do it all in. My mom never had a formal wedding and so she doesn't know either. I am relying on Olivia's aunts to help me along the way and they have been great. I email them with my long list of questions and concerns and they write me back with all the answers. I guess I'm just worried that we will run out of time or money...I think the money part will come first. That's why I'm saving asking my dad for anything until we really need it, then I won't feel so bad. :)

I'm excited and I just have to remember that all the worrying and eagerness will be worth it on September 11, 2010.

~M