It Was Only A Dream...

I haven't had many dreams lately that have made me angry, curious, or elated at the same time. A couple of nights ago I did though.

I was working at Mandalay Bay and Cisco was my boss again, I thought it would turn into a nightmare at this point, and he invited Anthony and I over to go for a swim and have a BBQ at his house. I was excited but there was only one bad thing...we weren't a couple officially, just on and off fun. I didn't know a whole lot about his life and what things were like outside of work, but I knew I liked him a lot and we were perfect for eachother. He gave the same impression back when speaking to me. I had never been to his house before so I needed directions. Anthony was about 10 and was excited about going swimming at someone's house.

We showed up and this house was huge. Kind of like a house that you would see back East or in the South. It had a big front yard with tons of green grass and tall Oak trees. The back yard had a pool and fruit trees lining the back fence and on the other side was a forest. I knocked on the door and Cisco answered the door. He gave me a kiss, held my hand and took me to the back yard. While I was walking through the house I was seeing all of these pictures of him and this woman and a baby. I had no idea who they were and it made me upset because this was a life and people that he had never told me anything about. I couldn't believe that I was falling for someone who already had a life with someone else. I couldn't believe that he was like that and I was instantly furious. I didn't say anything in fear of jumping to conclusions so I decided that I would wait for the right time to ask any questions of concern. I walked into the backyard and the people that I know as Olivia's Aunt's, Uncles, Grandmother and Cousin were there. They looked at me strangely and then stopped and fixed their gaze behind me. Someone touched my shoulder and said hello. It was Olivia's mom, and she was holding a baby. Whom I found out was Olivia. I was instantly confused and at this point knew that I was dreaming. I wanted out but at the same time I had to finish what was going on and I wanted to know what kind of explination Cisco was going to give his wife for me being there.

I said hello. Everyone was extremely nice and Anthony was having a good time playing with Olivia's cousin. I didn't want to make too many waves so I kept my mouth shut for the time being. Cisco introduced his wife and then introduced me as a person he worked with. He then continued to say that he had asked me to babysit Olivia while they had their BBQ. I could have strangled him and broke down into tears at the same time.

WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!

My thoughts were confusing me. But I didn't want to make her upset because she looked as if she needed rest. I think that she was sick in my dream and I instantly began to want to help her and watch Olivia so that she could go and lay down. I took Olivia from her arms with a warm smile and she returned it thanking me and went off to lay down for a nap. She kissed everyone good bye and went up the steps into the enormous house.

I held Olivia and fed her and watched Anthony play. It soon became night and there was no sign of Olivia's mom. I began to get worried, but I was the only one that did. Everyone else had a look on their face like they knew what was going on and they were coming to terms with it. I demanded to know what was going on and began to cry because I was confused. I loved this man that invited me over but was furious that he lied to me and betrayed her. He began to explain things to me and I became more at ease. I was still very sad but determined to take care of Olivia. It was hard for me to give her over to other people to hold because I was so determined of her being ok. I didn't know these people I knew they loved her but I was afraid they were going to take her away. Cisco played with Anthony and went swimming with him. He told him he loved him and gave him a hug. It seemed like life was going by very quickly. These people were comforatable with Anthony and I but I didn't know anything about them. But, Anthony was also very comforatable around them.

I woke up in the morning and I was elated that it was just a dream but it was scary due to how vivid it was. I was happy to be awake and I tried for several hours to get the dream out of my head. It worked until tonight since I can't sleep. Cisco was so busy telling me about his dream that I didn't have a chance to tell him about mine. I'm sure that he will come up with some reason why I had the dream...he does that all the time. I have found myself having dreams of Olivia's mom every once and a while. They are strange. In the dreams it is like we have met casually and then became good friends and she introduces me to Cisco and Olivia and then she always leaves without saying where she is going or why. But then our lives; Cisco, Olivia, Anthony and I, begin. I have never mentioned any dreams with Olivia's mom to Cisco. I guess I'm too afraid of the looks that I will get or I don't know something negative though.

I always wonder why I have these dreams whenever I do get them though.

~M