The Madness Is Over! I Think.

Christmas is over. I am so glad especially since I think the meaning has been lost for some. It is a shame that it has turned into a materialistic holiday. I can understand exchanging a couple of gifts, but I have gone to some of the stores this past holiday and seen so many people loading up their carts. They do it as if these items are never going to be found again.

Do people buy into their children's love? I think a great deal of them do. I don't think parents spend enough quality time with their kids anymore. Christmas is no exception. Some parents are so busy going to this Christmas party and that party, of course none of them allow you to bring your child. That means a babysitter. It is a shame.

I loved Christmas as a child, we went to the same Christmas party every year and that was enough for everyone. We played games and hung around the house. My parents spent time with me and my brother. They did not just plop us in front of the television to make us go away for a couple of hours.

Now I admit I do that sometimes, but only when I am trying to get something done, which isn't accomplished very often without them being able to help or by them reading to me while I do it.

I passed by a church the other day driving to work and I saw the perfect note on the board, " The most important part of Christmas is the first six letters". Now I am not a heavy religous person, but that made me think( and since I do believe in Jesus and I don't think that we should stop saying Merry Christmas because it might offend someone ). There are reasons other than presents linked to Christmas.

That note is more relavent to people who are rude in the stores and drive like idiots around Christmas.

It is nice to get things on Christmas, but I don't think we should over do it. That is what I am going to think about before I spend a months paycheck on people who I think I need to buy something for next year.

Anthony

Anthony is my child, my soul, my one true love.

I never in my life imagined that I would be able to love someone so much, let alone the minute the minute I set eyes on him. I am always so scared that I will not do a good enough job in raising him, but when I see him smile and tell me that he loves me I know differently. He looks up to me and loves me so much.

In the way of Anthony of having a parent I am the only one that he can ever truly depend on.

His father is a flake and always will be one. I do not believe that Anthony will ever gain a real respect for him. It doesn't matter because he doesn't deserve it. Anthony's father has plenty of opportunities to spend time with him but he chooses to go out and party after work instead. I am scared of the questions that I know will arise in a couple of years from now about his father. I will answer truthfully, but for right now I will not say anything. My son is 6 and he will find out in time that his father is a looser. I don't think that I need to say anything to him.

Anthony draws such negative pictures sometimes and it worries me. He will draw pictures of someone killing someone else or even him killing other things. I don't know if this is normal or if it is his way of getting out the anger that he has built up. I don't know where he has this anger from. He has a great life at home and needs for nothing. I wonder sometimes if it is because of his father.

I am hoping with time he will be able to vocalize his feelings, but I guess it is ok even if it is coming out on paper for right now.

Anthony is a great kid and has no real problems and I am thankful everyday for that. I want him to see nothing but good in his life. I know that I cannot shield him from the cruelties of the world, but I think that I will always try. No matter how old he is I know I will always want to protect him. It is just part of being a mother.

We are on our own to take on the world, just the two of us.

I have a boyfriend and his daughter and I love them very much but since there is no ring yet it's not the same. But I love them all.

Things will work out in the end and that is something to look forward to.

Kid Crazy

It must just be that time of the year but it seems like there are kids everywhere, including my own. I decided to take my vacation this week so that I could get some much needed IN time with my family.

However, now I think I am ready for the kids to go back to school. There is just so much to be done and so little time to do it in. I have always thought that it is much easier to do all of the things that need to be done without the harrassing of a child.

Whenever I am about to do something like going shopping or clean the house I usually make a list and decide that I have a certain amount of time to finish these chores. Now if you have to drag your kids along that schedule gets all messed up.

It usually starts the minute that you get the kids out of the car. There has to be a fight as to who pushes or who gets to stand on the cart. Then don't forget the numerous, "can I have that?".

God forbid if you ask one of them to get something for you, then it turns into a fight about who gets to help next, and regardless of how much you try to make them take turns it always turns into you "liking her better than me".

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I have a ton of fun with them, but when it comes to this time of year and I have so much to do. I think I would rather do it alone without the help of the little fingers.

Hung up on marrage

Why are women so hung up on getting married. I have been trying to figure this one out myself for the longest time. I want to know why I want to get married so much. I don't know maybe it is the thought of having the greatest party you will ever throw. Maybe it is the thought of how you would look in that glamourous dress. Maybe it is the thought of how you would feel by seeing the man that you love with every inch of your being standing at the other end of the path.

I wish I could be like the women that you hear about that are just fine with not being married and they have a wonderful relationship with their long time boyfriend. I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend also and there are no real problems. That is until I start to feel depressed, and start thinking about how I am going to be single for the rest of my life. Then I decide at that very moment that I am going to say something and most of the time it is out of anger and I regret it the moment that it comes out of my mouth.

I have gotten better at not mentioning anything like that to him. Maybe that is why this is a good idea. Atleast I can get it out of me and I don't have to worry about us breaking up again because I don't know when to shut up and enjoy a good thing. He always asks me why we have to get married and that he likes things the way that they are.

I think I am just starting to realize how old I am and sometimes I don't think that I have done much or atleast after being with someone for as long as I have (5 years). There is nothing to show for it.

This frame of mind is leaving me but sometimes it rushes back on me. I just wish that I didn't have to feel so hung up on being married.