This Boy...

I just don't know what to do about Anthony any longer. I am at my wits end. It is truly a shame that I say that and that I feel that way but I am. I want to hold up the white flag of surrender. We (Anthony's teacher, Cisco and I) have been trying pretty much since the beginning of the school year to help him out with his studies. He wasn't doing too hot, mostly D's and an F every once and a while. We do tutoring before school and after school on some days and then the rest is done in the class room and at home. The case of him having ADHD has come into play and we are in the process of getting that tested and seeing if there is something going on down that road. But, still in the mean time it's mainly his attitude about school. I know that kids just don't like school in general, they would rather stay at home and sleep or play video games all day, but that will and won't ever happen. I have spoken to him about what happens if you don't stay in school and where his life could go, but every time I say that he says how his grandpa will hire him and he can work with him. Since he has been telling me this I tell my step-dad to tell him that if he doesn't go to school and graduate that he won't hire him.

If you can believe it not even that worked to make him try a little harder in school. Cisco and I have discussed having him held back and doing the 4th grade again and I have spoken with his teacher about this and she said that it's nearly impossible to have a child held back a grade (thanks Bush, lovin' that no child left behind crap). I really do think that he needs it, not only because of the material but I think that if he sees that all his friends are in 5th and he's stuck in 4th he will finally get a clue. Now, I would hate to go through all that and still see that it didn't work so I'm holding off on making a phone call to the Oval Office to make it happen.

Anthony's teacher called me at work and I spoke with her about Anthony and his attitude about things, he just doesn't care. Everything that comes out of his mouth is, " I don't care ". I thought that he was saying that to just me and Cisco apparently he is telling his teacher to F*** off too, which is what I see the "I don't care" as a sign of. He is a good boy, he really is, but when it comes to school and having to go and coming home and doing home work, he turns into this monster. It's horrible, it's so stressful. I blame myself everyday for it all. I don't know what I could have done to make it different or if it's just hardwired into him somehow. I love school, I still do and he sees that I go. Olivia doesn't loathe school and Cisco graduated from College so I don't know where this immense hate for it comes from. Everyone has tried to get it out of him, but all he ever says about it is "I don't know". I could just grab him by the neck sometimes and choke him so that he would tell me what the problem is. I've begged him to tell me so that I could fix it but...nothing.

I'm so lost at this point. I don't know what else to do. I've taken video games away, lowered the bed time hour, no visits with friends or grandparents, no movies, etc. Anything you can think of I have done it. The only ammunition I have for this week is his birthday and his friend's birthday.

His friend is having his birthday on Saturday and he's not going to be able to go to that. Also, Anthony's birthday is tomorrow, and I don't know if I should still do all the things for him that I planned on because of this. The timing really sucks, his birthday party was going to be next week, but now that is going to go on the back burner until all this other stuff gets worked out. I will still throw him one, it may be in April but I will throw him one with all his little friends. I told Cisco that I have to feel some major support coming from him on this one...I do not want to go back on this, cause if I do Anthony will think that everything else that I said was not important. I have to hold firm and follow through with this one.

I don't know maybe a miracle will happen, but I'm not holding my breath.

~M