Thursday, February 06, 2014

Finding My Place...

Being back to work has brought back a lot of feelings of where I think I belong. I am glad that I am back at work because it is my break from my crazy life at home with all the kids. But, at the same time I miss being there everyday to play and more importantly have my house looking decent and not like a bunch of ravenous wolves live there. Laundry has piled up to ridiculous amounts, the kitchen is a mess, the rooms, everything. I'm beginning to not care, but it is still there. The other thing is that I can never figure out what I want to do with myself. I want to go back to school (good luck fining time to study), I want to perfect my cake making skills that I know are there but just need the practice and time to develop and brighten (good luck finding time for that too), and I want to start working on the house to make it what I want (again, good luck fining the time for that). I feel like that if I wasn't working then I could MAYBE have time to go for one of these things. But without working where would the money come from for it to happen. I am just stuck. I don't know where I belong. I don't know what I want to do. I just Don't Know. I see other people going to school and doing this and doing that and I find myself so envious of that. I wish I had the time, I wish that when I had the time before the girls to have done some of these things. That time is gone and past, so now I am left with the present. And I am just wishing that something would happen, a vision, something that would tell me what direction to head into. My mind is a blank today and that's all that I've really been thinking about. Just wish the answer would come already. ~M

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