Well I guess I have never really been in denial about my weight, but more like trying to be blind about it. I am the last person in the world that will tell you, "I'm not fat, I'm big boned" Well I do actually have a larger body frame, thanks to my grandma...but that doesn't excuse my weight right now. It started because of steroids that were being injected every three months, which made the ball roll down hill from there. Being in a relationship that makes me completely happy, and having a boyfriend tell me that he loves me and hugs me to prove it, probably didn't help either. So, I have decided that it is time to quit being a lazy biotch and get my ass on the move. I was watching The Biggest Loser this past fall and I'm watching it again, and I look at some of these women on there, and they are the same weight as me! I thought that was just gross. I mean I personally don't think that I look that big, but then someone takes a picture of me, or I get a sideways glance at myself in the mirror or in a window, and I just want to break down.
I just don't think mentally I can handle it any longer. I think one of my favorite places to go shopping is on Colorado Blvd. in Pasadena, but for the times that I have been going there, I have NEVER been able to shop in ANY of the clothing stores, there. Which makes me even more depressed now that I am remembering that. I have kept setting goals for myself, only to not follow through with them because of laziness (that's all I can really come up with). I mean working out at home is hard, there is no motivation, there is no kick ass equipment, huge t.v.'s or other people trying to achieve the same goals. So tomorrow after work I am going to 24 Hour Fitness and getting my membership. I am determined not to let anything stand in my way of this.
Now that my finances are being dealt with and I have finally grown up in that aspect I can afford it, along with paying the other bills at the end of the month. That is a great feeling, by the way. I don't think that my goals at this point are too extreme. I do want to stop shopping at the "fat girl" stores and start shopping at other places. I think my goal for right now is to get into a size 14, I am in a 18 right now, so there is some work to do but with some determination and some help from home I think I can do it. I also think that posting this for the world to see as well as my online buddies might keep me in check, I almost posted a picture, but didn't think that was going to help my self esteem get any higher so I decided against it. I will however take some at home and keep them there.
I am determined to make this a lifestyle change and not just a "I'm on a diet for now" change. Heart attacks run in my family as does Diabetes. I definately want to live a long time and without problems, so this is a good thing...for me and my kids.
Wish me luck...much love.
~M
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4 comments:
I've been a big girl my whole life.
I know what you feel very well.
It makes me happy that you're striving for a 14 and not a 4. I'd strive for a 14 too if I could ever put my ass in gear.
Sending positive vibes your way.
Thank you so much, I think that the most important thing is to be realistic when it comes to sizes. I will shoot for a 14 and if I get there then I will shoot for a 12, I am 28 now so I know there is no way I can get into something like a 10 or an 8...I don't even remember the last time I was that small...lol. Thank you for the encouragement, it means a lot to me.
~M
We can do it together baby. I am with you as well.
Good luck! Thom and I always struggle with trying to be healthy--which is a lot more important than fitting into a ridiculously small size. Hope you can keep on track! I have faith (and I need the inspiration). :)
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