My Daddy...

The way I miss him tonight would make me think that he is still living in Seattle, but he's not. He is here in town, but I don't see him much anymore.

While poking around my Ipod to listen to something relaxing and away from the norm I came across a CD that he introduced to me years ago when I was in elementary school. I remember that he had the record, and we would listen to it while sitting at the kitchen table talking about whatever happened to come across our thoughts. There were so many things in my childhood that were sad and sometimes unfortunate when it came with me living with my dad, but that is for another day.

When I hear this music, which is poetry set to classical music, it just reminds me of him and all the time we would spend, usually beyond any normal kids bedtime just talking and hanging out. He would play old Buddy Holly records that he had and we would just have fun, sometimes we would be doing laundry together, cooking dinner or cleaning up the house. He worked hours where I didn't see him with the exception of his days off and when those days came I wanted to just soak them in. It always seemed like a cruel twist of fate that I would have to go to school when I could be hanging out by the pool with him for the day. I love my dad so much, no matter what other circumstances there were.

I wish he would take me up on my offer and visit more often, but I don't hold grudges, not to him. I understand how he is and I accept it. The desire to be able to listen to music that reminds me of him and to just enjoy it completely is hard becuase all I can do is think back on those days we had when I was a kid. I wish I could have those days back. I wish that I could go back and just take more of it in sometimes.

My mom could never understand why to this day I love going to the grocery store so much, when she just can't stand it. When I explain to her that that was one of the activities that my dad and I would do on his days off then she understood, but it's just little things like that.

I really hope that when I am old and gray Anthony and Olivia can have little things that may just be as simple as a song or a book to remind them of happy times that they had with Cisco and I.

I love you Dad, always and forever.

~M

I Know I'm Not The Only One...

Do you know how much I hate this stupid drawer? I hate, hate, hate it! In order to download all my pictures from Seattle, 4th of July and some other things I had to find the card that would hold my memory card that would fit into my computer. Well of course I keep this card usually either in my purse pocket (just in case I get the urge to print something up when I'm at Target) or in the drawer at home. I know that everyone has one of these drawers...the junk drawer.

The drawer that things go into and usually never are seen again. I went diving into this drawer to find my chip and the minute I opened it was instantly pissed. I know that it hadn't been too long before that I went through this drawer to find something and while pulling out handfull after handfull of miscellaneous crap (and that's what most of it is...crap) I had enough and just started throwing stuff away. I didn't care what it was at this point...some kind of magnet, trash. Some papers and receipts, trash. Buttons, pencils, pens, cards, and the list goes on and on and on. Most of it ended up in the trash. Then I proceeded to go upstairs and find some drawer organizers, then everything went into a little bin. Ahhhh...much, much better. I was so happy. I instantly showed off my work to Cisco when he came home. I don't think there was much for him to say. I told him I got tired of digging through crap and I think even a couple of times getting pinned by a tack or needle, that it was time to get rid of stuff...so I did.

Well the same thing happened this time. I think what baffles me more is that most of this stuff is his. I couldn't tell you how many cords I found in there. I know that one went to my Palm, one for Anthony's Ipod, one for Cisco's phone/my Ipod, but I have no idea what the other ones are for. I don't understand why we have this huge thing that resembles a 19th century battery, but it doesn't look like you can plug anything into it, you can just stick it into the wall. It's just too much sometimes.

I know that my mom has one of these drawers...she has two in the kitchen actually, and 3 in her bedroom. What amazes me about that is I see her go through them and instead of getting rid of stuff she hunts for what she needs and then piles everything up and shoves it all back...OMG! It drives me crazy. I can't stand that stuff. I put up with the drawer for a little while then I have to go through and just trash stuff.

We had the same thing going on right above the drawer. We keep mail and papers up there. Well when I go through the mail I open and trash what I don't need ASAP and put bills and other things where they need to go, well Cisco likes to keep his mail (afraid it may bite him if he should open it I guess) so I will end up getting a gift bag and shoving all his stuff into it once it hits a certain height. I hated doing that because there was more than one bag a few times. Oh, the desire to throw the whole thing away! But instead I told him I was going to open his mail and then bought a little mail organizer, it's working as of right now, I'm staying on top of it so I don't have to go crazy.

I really hope it's just not me that has this little problem.

~M